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Critical Analysis #1

Bright Pink Sky

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

0 posted 1999-11-17 06:25 PM

A bright pink sky
reflecting the beauty of a volcanic flow
which is ever so slowly oozing towards the ocean below
and will soon be displaying a steamy cloud show
in a bright pink sky.

copyright 1999 JML

[This message has been edited by jmlee12345 (edited 11-17-1999).]

Craig
Member

since 1999-06-10

Posts 444

1 posted 1999-11-21 07:58 PM

I think I think this is great but I’m not sure!!

I read the syllable count as 4, 12, 16, 12, 5?, if the last line was 4 I would definitely like it. If you inserted two 8 syllable lines between the 4 & 12 lines I’d probably like it even more!!

Decisions, decisions OK I admit it I like it as it is (I think)!

Craig

I did like the abbba rhyme scheme

------------------
Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool:
But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 1999-11-23 05:45 AM

Thank you Craig for your comments and advice. My friend Sharna lives on the big island of Hawaii about seven miles from the lava flow and she had e-mailed me and told me the sky was a bright pink from the lava flow. So she gave me the idea. James

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