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Critical Analysis #1
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Red Light
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Red Light |
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Paula-Marie New Member
since 1999-10-31
Posts 9Durham, England |
This is something I penned a few days ago. I know I have other poems that need tweeking, but offerings please...I know you won't let me down. Through the fog it greeted me like a friendly smile A red light winking lewdly showing off for miles A small child cried in dreamland the cars went rolling by I stood transfixed and watched it the red light sensed my lies The man who called out from the car had lit his cigarette and breathed from darkness yet unknown and stayed to watch it yet The red light twitched its eye at me as I left the road for home the traffice lights on the corner here you never are alone. (Honestly....please) Thanks ------------------ copyright-Paula M. Allum 1999 |
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| © Copyright 1999 Paula-Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed the first stanza but think you might want to develop that image a little bit more. I don't think the poem needs the rhymes (and I definitely think the rhyme hurts the last stanza). Personally, I see this as a sort of collage of different images on the way home but think a little more context would give it a bigger boost. Just an opinion, Brad |
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