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Critical Analysis #1
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Cold coffee consolation
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Cold coffee consolation |
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Paula-Marie New Member
since 1999-10-31
Posts 9Durham, England |
It was steaming when I left it was the spoon left in or out Im sure Ive never dreamt it now honey please don't pout Can't you see that mommie's busy with the washing and the chores cold coffee consolation is the prize I wish was yours How come the household fairy never visits any more and the fires always out my dear when you come thru the door if the dinners cold then take a pew coz Im on the case for sure cold coffee consolation is the hiding to the cure (2nd offering...I have piles of the stuff here waiting to burn) ------------------ |
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| © Copyright 1999 Paula-Marie - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I like the uniqueness of this particular piece. The only line that didn't work for me was the final one. As strong as this poem is, I think the word choice on the final line could have been a bit different to give it more impact. Ruth |
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Paula-Marie New Member
since 1999-10-31
Posts 9Durham, England |
Thanks Ruth. Any suggestions on how to finish this? ------------------ |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Paula...here's just a suggestion. You will notice I tightened up the meter just a bit too: It was steaming when I left it was the spoon left in or out I'm sure that I have never dreamt it now honey child please don't pout Can't you see that mommie's busy with the washing and the chores this cold coffee consolation is the prize I wish was yours Tell me why the household fairy never visits any more and the fires always out dear when you come thru that door seems no matter how I try I can not seem to please and coffee cold, just like your love, does nothing to appease [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 11-02-1999).] |
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