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Thashing Waves
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Thashing Waves |
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-DEE- Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 14SOUTH AFRICA |
THRASHING WAVES OF SORROW YIELD- PAINFUL TEARS; THIS HEART NO SHIELD. DEEP WITHIN THE EYES I SEE - PAIN, A HEART OF MISERY. TWISTING WINDS; THE STORM WITHIN. WHEN WILL HAPPINESS BEGIN? RACING THOUGHTS, CRAZY MIND; THE MEMORIES NOT LEFT BEHIND. TREMBLING QUAKE, SHATTERED SOUL- THE NEED TO RISE FROM THIS ABYSS HOLE.... |
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| © Copyright 1999 Delene Tracey Dunsmore, SA - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Dee...first and foremost...lose the caps. I absolutely hate to try and read a poem done in caps. To me that means you are screaming. If you write a well done poem, it can scream out for itself. I really enjoyed this till the final line. The word Abyss acording to Webster is a deep pit...you are saying the need to rise from this deep pit hole?? for one thing that makes no sense, for another the rhythm that is enforced so wonderfully through out is thrown off by that one word...perhaps something like... the need to rise from this deep (or possibly dark) hole [This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-30-1999).] |
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-DEE- Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 14SOUTH AFRICA |
hoot_owl_rn Thanks for taking time out to read this poem and giving me some feedback. About the CAPS - oops! At work I work in CAPS, and now I'm so use to it that I don't even realise that I'm "screaming" at the world... The last line - I agree with you here.. this poem was written a week or two ago; but only as far as "Trembling quake, shattered soul..." - and there I it remained for some time; so I guess the last line was kind of "thrown together...". |
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