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The Eagle
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Eagle |
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marzar New Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 6 |
The Eagle What is life through an eagle's eye? A playground with no fences. Freedom soaring through the sky With keen and fervent sences. Treetops offered as a throne, A kalidescope of choices. The eagle's pride may stand alone But his world is full of voices. I spied one day the ,"Eagle King" How vain he sat and stared. As if I were an intruding, "thing" His world must not be shared. The beauty held was not his face. Nor the form of his thick stature. The beauty held was his embrace Of the world he claims, his rapture. So many times we chop a tree Or roam his peaceful ground. If it was up to him, we'd see We shouldn't be around. |
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| © Copyright 1999 marzar - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This isn't really a critique of this poem. I was wondering if you might try something different. This poem seems to distant for what potentially can be a great device in poetry. Use the eagle metaphor but show us what the bird sees through his eyes. Try to make it like a film and try to show the granduer that, I think, you're shooting for here. If you try something like the above, I don't think the current structure would work very well. If this is completely useless for you, I understand because I'm not talking about this poem. You just gave me the idea from your title and was a little disappointed that I didn't get what I was expecting. This is my fault not yours. Brad |
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marzar New Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 6 |
Brad, I thank you for your idea and hope to be able to revise it in that manner.(I like it!) I am new here and simply don't know where to begin. I haven't had any training in writing except for basic high school. Your input is taken at the highest regard. I'll be working on this one. Thanks |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
Personally, I like this one the way it is. The lack of gerat detail gives me the feeling of a large, open space that the eagle claims as its domain. ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
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marzar New Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 6 |
Thanks for your reply. I love your quote!!! |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Marzar...I really enjoyed this one up until the last stanza. The rhyme and meter work well in it, but when you reach the last stanza, everything doesn't pull together as it should. I myself would like to see this finished a different way where the ending sums up the rest of the poem a little better. Ruth |
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