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Ten Thousand Kisses
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Ten Thousand Kisses |
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Lee Benthin Junior Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 19Marysville, WA USA |
There's ten thousand kisses If you read between the lines. Ten thousand kisses, You can have one at a time. I've got ten thousand kisses Every one of them's for you. I wish that I could hold you, 'Til there were only two. Too many memories They are stuck within my mind. Too many memories, Not one dream can I find. I've got too many memories, Every one of them of you. I wish that I could hold you Until they all came true. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Lee Benthin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Lee, I hope everything is going well and I hope you know by now what I'll say here. Show us some of the memories, show us some of the dreams -- make us see your life. You definitely seem a writer who wants to give and I'm certainly willing to take but, for me, I want to see your life in all of that precious, distinctive detail that makes us individual. I would think about a more original number than ten thousand -- use something that makes the reader think, 'Now, why is that number used'. When you use ten thousand or a million, they are vague numbers that in poetry seem to have the same effect all the time. Push the reader outside their expectations. Question: If they are memories haven't they already come true? Are you remembering dreams? If you are, how does, "not one dream I can find" fit. Brad |
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