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Critical Analysis #1

Castle in the Darkness

Lee Benthin
Junior Member

since 1999-10-28

Posts 19
Marysville, WA USA

0 posted 1999-10-28 02:29 AM

There's a castle in the darkness
With it's room made just for me.
There's shadows on the windows,
And paintings of the sea.

And you know I only go there
When I fall into my dream.
In the castle in the darkness,
Things are never as they seem.

Sometimes you go there with me
But you have to close your eyes.
Cause the shadows on my windows,
Are really paintings of my lies.

And the music in the darkness
Is the music in my mind.
It tells stories of the madness,
And the answers I can't find.

Now days I only go there
When I feel the need to dream.
In my castle in the darkness,
Life is never what it seems.

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 10-29-1999).]

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

1 posted 1999-10-28 06:14 PM

I really liked this one..I did find two typo's Wondows (Windows) in the first line and in (is) in the last line. The third and fourth line in this are a little out of meter with the rest"
There's shadows on the wondows,
And paintings of the sea."
possibly something like...
There are shadows on the windows
And tranquil paintings of the sea

I think this is well written, the meter is good, the rhyme intact and it's easy to understand. Well done!

Lee Benthin
Junior Member

since 1999-10-28

Posts 19
Marysville, WA USA

2 posted 1999-10-29 12:14 PM

Hoot; Thanks for the compliment. I wrote this a long time ago. I don't know how to fix the typos and I like the way it is, but that's probably because that's the way I've read it for so long. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I'm excited about this site. I just found it. For years I wanted to do something with my writing, maybe this will be my chance

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 1999-10-29 05:44 PM

Lee, I changed the two typos on this one for you. To edit your submission, simply go to the top where it shows a piece of paper and a pencil and click on that and make your changes in there.

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