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Critical Analysis #1

You're that someone

Redzippie
Junior Member

since 1999-10-19

Posts 16
Michigan

0 posted 1999-10-19 09:26 PM

Sometimes people come in our lives
And turn our world around
They take us to a higher place
You're that someone that I've found

You came into my life one day
And like a ship lost at sea
You shone your light so bright and pure
And came to rescue me

When my roads were getting rocky
You were right there by my side
To comfort me with words of love
And to hold me as I cried

You're such a blessing sent from God
In my heart I know that's true
And this is just a simple way
Of saying I love you

------------------
~Christina

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

1 posted 1999-10-19 09:52 PM

Redzippie, I like this poem, I think maybe a slighty longer last line is needed. It is too short to go with the rest of the poem.

On another note, as a new member, you probably don't know the usualcourtesies around here at Passions. Multipleposting is really frowned upon. I would say post no more than two, but preferably one, poem at a time. And reply to other people's work. I suggest you read the thread in the alley about this, it will inform you a bit more.

The reminder was not to be mean, just to help you fit in better here. Thanks.

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Redzippie
Junior Member

since 1999-10-19

Posts 16
Michigan

2 posted 1999-10-20 03:22 PM

Thanks for filling me in on multiple posting!! I don't think I ever would have known!! Also thanks for the reply on the poem. It's appreciated!!

------------------
~Christina

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 1999-10-25 09:28 PM

Red....again, this one is simple, but I like it. I do suggest two minor changes to improve the flow:
"Sometimes people come in our lives"
to...
Some people come into our lives

and
"And like a ship lost at sea"
to...
And like a lost ship at sea

misterpoet
Junior Member

since 1999-10-26

Posts 18

4 posted 1999-10-26 12:09 PM

so simple and sweet.

sounds like something you pick up in a Hallmark shop.

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