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The fading seasons
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The fading seasons |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA 
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A stream of light attracts me closer Against the current, to the pane Where in the abyss of a poster The autumn bleeds in drops of rain The rain plays drums upon my window In wild passion, stormy moans The raging wind sets sounds into Aligned rows of nature’s notes By which the weather plays in ardor To which the naked branches sway The hand of time strikes harder, harder As seasons softly fade away ------------------ I fell in love and kept on falling [This message has been edited by Master (edited 10-22-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Walter Poe Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 787 |
The world is a wonder It may strike us asunder With only a breath And then we are all done A little more description or a little more poem would help (Only my opinion) If the world wanted rid of us it would only have to sneeze. Hugo Rune (Master of Masters,Lord High Wizard of the church of the sacred sprout, The most amazing man who ever lived) ------------------ Pride of place in the human race goes to one without a trace, of subtlety style ego or grace for this position, I wish to say, i would be proud as i am greater than any other face in the crowd |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
ok, really like this, the images are great, just a few suggestions the first half is perfect, wouldn't change a thing but in this part, seems your imaging is confused (to me) The raging wind sets sounds into Aligned rows of nature’s notes By which the weather plays in ardor To which the branches gently sway The hand of time strikes harder, harder As seasons softly fade away the "raging" wind doesn't seem to fit with branches gently swaying and seasons softly fading, maybe try another word, "tossing" comes to mind.... then you have 2 lines that repeat by which the... to which the... I think a simple changing of the second line to an "and the" would make it sound better. good poem  [This message has been edited by Iloveit (edited 10-19-1999).] |
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Master Senior Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 1867Boston, MA |
Thank you both! you're critique is much appreciatted. |
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