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Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

0 posted 1999-10-06 11:30 PM

The sun has turned the sky white
and made all outlines sharp.
Seeking out the shadows it lingers
in all the dark corners
and cold spots.
The dark forbidden place
of mushrooms brightens,
the snake sleeps in the open,
the Black Widow has left her home,
The Hibiscus opens
bows its head
then folds into death,
The crow’s laughter fills the air.

In the back room the shade is pulled
but around the edges and through
the tiny pin prick of a whole
in the middle
the sun beams
exposing a dust ball in the corner
and a stain in the middle of that
perfect pink rose.

[This message has been edited by Martie (edited 10-07-1999).]

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-10-07 07:33 PM

Again, very well done.

1. al -- do you mean all?

2. You mention 'crows' a lot. Ted Hughes fan?

3. You mentioned you owned a florist shop and know the traditional significance of certain flowers. Wondering if you might put something up somewhere here to help those of us flower illiterates get a better feel for that. I let the rose go on this one because it works but really there are more flowers to choose from.

4. Don't know how much time you have but you do have quite a few poems here. Wondering if you could get some more comments in as well? We all need all the advice we can get (and yes you did comment on mine but that's not what I really mean. Well, of course, I mean that as well -- I'm human too.)

All we're really asking for are sincere, polite, positive or negative, detailed comments on other works.

Another good read,
Brad

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

2 posted 1999-10-07 07:48 PM

Thanks for you reply Brad and you're right about "al" needing to be "all". You are an editor at heart. I'm feeling really bad now and selfish for submitting more then responded. I guess I'm more comfortable with the submitting part but I'ts not fair I know. I'll try to do better.

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

3 posted 1999-10-07 07:52 PM

Brad--I'll look into posting something about the signifigance of flowers. The flower in the back room was the design on the carpet--one of those old fashioned rugs with flowers that were ususally a rose.

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