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punksmurf
Junior Member

since 2002-01-01

Posts 37
new hampshire, U.S.

0 posted 2002-01-01 05:56 PM

poodle with a mowhawk
running like a chicken
with its legs cut off
but it's not running anymore
hopping, really
in a slurring ruckus
of mowhawk feahters
curtsy and fall
all the headlights,
burning at my eyes
like bad moonlight
strung across the movie screen
all the shaoes
are fairy tale books
pictures
bathed in honeyed light
and i watch my hands
feet,arms,moving lips
as they dissapate
disappear

lizzyluv
Junior Member

since 2001-12-27

Posts 46
nh, usa. we suck.

1 posted 2002-01-01 06:04 PM

hmm, i see. well welcome to these [censored by moderator] boards. tehe, that wasn't really censored, but you know it should be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
aright, on to your poem. hmmm, i like. your imagery is good. and your flow is even. i like your comparasins of things. very original. you have style. you have grace. you're miss america! just kidding. but i really do like.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
check out some posts, the more you make comments on, the more curious about you people get. oh yeah, and NEVER, EVER swear, you'll be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law [edited]. *shrugs* have fun!

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (01-01-2002 08:26 PM).]

Opeth
Senior Member

since 2001-12-13

Posts 1543
The Ravines

2 posted 2002-01-02 10:30 AM

Punctuation marks are missing in action. Spell checking is a good thing.
Are you serious about the given title?

hush
Senior Member

since 2001-05-27

Posts 1653
Ohio, USA

3 posted 2002-01-02 11:32 AM

I...uh.... don't get it.

First of all, I would fix the typos. Other than that.... I just don't get it. I don't particularly care for nonsense poems though, so I'm probably not the best source of advice.

"I'm thinking about leaving tomorrow
I'm thinking about being on my own
I think I been wasting my time
I'm thinking about getting out"

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

4 posted 2002-01-02 01:38 PM

Hi punksmurf,

And welcome to the forum. I too am a little confused by this poem but I did want to stop in, say hello and welcome you to the family.

Check you email for a message.

Thanks,
Pete

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

5 posted 2002-01-02 02:58 PM

This seems like a jumble words in a 'wannabe' poem. I'd like to see more of your work. Are you serious about writing?

Roberta Little
Junior Member

since 2001-12-18

Posts 42
beloit wi usa

6 posted 2002-01-03 01:43 PM

punksmurf-
that was cool to say the least. i liked it. thanx 4 posting. hope to see more of your work. l-8-er!

Mac Attack
Member

since 2001-12-12

Posts 100
Ontario, Canada

7 posted 2002-01-04 09:11 PM

No joke about the punctuation and spell-check suggestions.  It is distracting to re-read a line (or several) to determine which word you meant to use.

Regarding your poem, I am tossed.  If you meant to convey a deep and meaningful insight, then I guess I missed it.  If you meant to give us some psychedelic, disjointed images as they free float in the void, then not only do I get it, I like it. (Don’t read into what that would say about me, I wouldn't want to know. lol)

Note:  Any post that generates both comments and interest is worth the effort.  Hope to see more of your postings soon,

Mac

ps - thanks for the input on my humble post, I appreciate it. [

]

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

8 posted 2002-01-06 02:04 AM

I read this a long time ago and I guess I never replied...,I really like the use of words in here...nothing typical, ya know? it's interesting poetry!

rich-pa
Member

since 2000-02-07

Posts 317
New Orleans, Louisiana

9 posted 2002-01-07 04:47 PM

i'm, assuming that this was meant nothing more than a nonsense poem...the poem itself is a "slurring ruckus"...if you meant to convey some sort of message about life or something through the ruckus, i;m not sure...yer poem has become a complete impediment to meaning... i'm a disciple of reader response theory and i don't get anything much from this...sincerely, critic

"freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose..." -janis joplin

punksmurf
Junior Member

since 2002-01-01

Posts 37
new hampshire, U.S.

10 posted 2002-01-08 06:14 PM

i was not trying to convey any deep hidden meaning, i am truly sorry, my typing sucks. my poem was not trying to be anything, and iam not sure how it could then be a 'wannabe' i appreciate mac's post, and assure you all that this was all just the randomly disjointed things that float into my demented thought process.

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