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Critical Analysis #1
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In The Park (Rewrite) (Pantoum)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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In The Park (Rewrite) (Pantoum) |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Today I strolled around the park at noon, Lamenting all the friends that now are gone. We shared delight beneath the skies of June- December’s snows mean walking all alone. Lamenting all the friends that now are gone, I noticed how the trees had lost their green. December’s snows mean walking all alone, I saw my life reflected in the scene. I noticed how the trees had lost their green; I shivered in the ice-sharp winter blast. I saw my life reflected in the scene; The brooding clouds, the pellets that they cast. I shivered in the ice-sharp winter blast; I shuddered at the weakness I display. The brooding clouds, the pellets that they cast; And in a whisper, I began to pray. I shuddered at the weakness I display, A love lost and a heartache, that is all- And in a whisper, I began to pray, So shamed the way I’ve answered hardship’s call. A love lost and a heartache, that is all- It’s wondrous that I once had love to hold. So shamed the way I’ve answered hardship’s call- The seed of life springs forth from winter’s cold. It’s wondrous that I once had love to hold- Today I strolled around the park at noon. The seed of life springs forth from winter’s cold, We shared delight beneath the skies of June. Nan |
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| © Copyright 2001 Nancy Wilcox - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
pantuoms always give me chills. the form is so powerful. and very well used, in this case. i really liked your sense of motion, even through the repitition. the thoughts built upon each other very well. "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Dear Lizzyluv, Thank you. I've reworked it a couple of times now, and I think I've about got it. It's the third pantoum I've written, and I love the form. But they're hard.  Nan |
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lizzyluv Junior Member
since 2001-12-27
Posts 46nh, usa. we suck. |
i agree, i quit after my first, but i have a lot of respect for the form. it's beautiful. "everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block |
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