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Critical Analysis #1

Look for Me At Night

craigrk
Member

since 2001-12-23

Posts 123

0 posted 2001-12-29 10:23 AM

On a couch made of clouds
like a mist in a dream
it will come to you
and you will hasten -
In shoes made of dusk
running you headlong
into the dark,
trampling unseen,
out of control
toward an intuition.

Stars crisp against
the black sky
will melt the brown
low clouds like butter
so the worm moon
can point you
to my ashes.

lizzyluv
Junior Member

since 2001-12-27

Posts 46
nh, usa. we suck.

1 posted 2001-12-29 12:44 PM

hmm, i'm not quite sure what to say. i read it a couple times. the intent is clear, and the imagry interesting. i suppose i like.

"everyone is broken by something they love and worship"- Francesca Lia Block
*lizzy*

Englishpoet
Member

since 2001-12-18

Posts 54
Birmingham, England

2 posted 2001-12-29 08:45 PM

Imagry is intersting - i like "couch made of clouds" and "moon can point you to my ashes". Rest is difficult to make out. Did you mean ""worm moon" or warm moon? I would have liked to seen a title.
asif

The heights by great men reached and kept
Were not attained by sudden flight,
But they while their companions slept
Were toiling upward in the nigh

C?
Member

since 2001-12-29

Posts 190

3 posted 2001-12-30 03:34 PM

first verse is really good, not sure what to make of the second, kinda plain I found...I liked the running imagery

strbbux
Member Elite

since 2001-12-19

Posts 3859

4 posted 2001-12-31 04:04 PM

I like your imagery here, but I dont quite understand it all. Is it me? Leading to your ashes in the end, then does that mean that you die? Not quite clear. floria

dieadra
New Member

since 2001-12-31

Posts 4

5 posted 2001-12-31 08:11 PM

Worm moon is a full moon. Pointing you to my ashes is great stuff. Thanx.

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