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Crave for caves
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Crave for caves |
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Englishpoet Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54Birmingham, England |
This is a resubmission. I have worked on the rhyme. Usually I don't worry about them - if it fall into rhyme so be it. But you you all think that is required then I shall try to keep a given structure. Is this better? Crave for caves When in woods I walk at twilight, Nature swims within my eyes. Secret of the night brings delight. When ocean winds caress my face, Smell of the sea fills my lungs Like the joy of first embrace. When the clouds are out of view, Spider concealing knits her web, Leaves sleep blanketed with dew, Archaic moon speaks of ancient love, Cities countless commotion ebb, The night weaves a velvet glove. When twitter of the woodland bird, The rush of the raging copper sea The roaming of the deer heard, The lush green emerald forestry, Spin a web of symphony. I am free. Like daffodils flinging their heads to sing, Eyes a glaze in amaze. Orchestra of twinkling glow-worms ring. My soul craves for the cave. My heartbeats in synchrony repeat, The call of the free and the brave. Copyright © 2001 by Asif Ahmed. All rights reserved. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved | |||
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Asif this is wonderful. But I must tell you, you are the poet. If at any time you are suggested to make it rhyme and you like the original. You keep it that way. It is your poem after all. I just repeat what I keep being told. I get off rhyme a lot of times, and sometimes I could fix it and sometimes I ruin the original write, So you see it is really up to you. But I must say, I like this a whole lot. regards, floria |
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