»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Crave for caves
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Crave for caves |
|
|
Englishpoet Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54Birmingham, England |
Crave for caves When in woods I walk at twilight, Nature swims within our eyes. Secret of the night brings delight. When ocean winds caress my face, Smell of the sea fills my lungs Like the joy of first embrace. When the clouds are out of view, Spider concealing knits her web, Leaves sleep blanketed with due, Cities countless commotion ebb, Archaic moon speaks of ancient love, The night weaves a velvet glove. When twitter of the woodland bird, The rush of the raging copper sea The roaming of the deer heard, The lush green emerald forestry, Spin a web of symphony. I am free. Like daffodils singing with heads flinging. Eyes a glaze in amaze. Orchestra of glow-worms twinkle, Heartbeats in synchrony tinkle, My soul craves for the cave To join the free and the brave. Copyright © 2001 by Asif Ahmed. All rights reserved. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Ousiders Cattermole Junior Member
since 2001-11-02
Posts 27 |
Yeah, you got a little bit of talent. |
||
|
strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
Hi English, blanketed with "dew" sp you lost your rhyme scheme in the second stanza you also lost your rhyme scheme in the last stanza. this is a nice poem. I like the words and the sentiment here. Maybe take another look at it and see if you could move things around or change a few words to keep the rhyme the same.... I had a hard time learning this and every once in awhile I fall into it too.Hope this helps you, this poem is worth working on. I like it. I will be back later, have some shopping to do. Woe is me.. strbbux |
||
|
Shou-Lao Junior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 48 |
Englishpoet The changes of rhyme scheme didn’t seem to work and I didn’t understand the sea-woods-caves connection, unless you were talking about getting back to nature, in which case I’d try and be a little more specific. Thanks for the chance to read. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
