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Skirmish with the Tow
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Skirmish with the Tow |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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Skirmish with the Tow Lone, I sit, on the dock, legs dangling, three feet above cobalt water moving deep; I can feel its pull, am unsteady in my space, fearing it will take me. Gulls beside, in back, scream, push me forward, the water calls as it hits the poles anchoring the wood planks upon which I sit...as boats slip past, waves see-saw their way into the breakwall behind me, then are slapped back into the river... the dock shakes with the impact, I quiver at the shaking. A freighter's horn rises forlornly, deep and low, as I watch pieces of flotsam, scraps of rubbish, being pushed along, the river cleaning itself of unwanted debris; I decide that I do not want to be any part of that waste... I pull myself up by my fear, and walk away. August 2001 "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 11-25-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like this. I did have a bit of a problem with the first two lines: 'Lone, I sit, on the dock, legs dangling, three feet above cobalt water moving deep; I can feel its pull,' Maybe it's just me, but the line break confused me at first- I thought you were saying there were three feet dangling above the water until I realized that didn't make a whole lot of sense, and smoothed out the meaning in my head.  I think putting the line break before three feet would clarify.Other than that confusion, I like this- it's a good, solid image, and the title comlements it really well. "this is not who I meant to be |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hush, Thanks....I agree wholeheartedly with your advice, and have edited to clarify. It does read a lot smoother now...thanks again. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
warmhrt, I enjoyed this poem. I especially liked the first four lines, and the last two. Thanks for the great read. dreamer The day is brighter, but the dawn is sweetest. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What about the break of: wood planks either bring one word down or put one up...and you may smooth that bit of a break out, too... |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
dreamer, Thanks so much for your kind words...always appreciated, as is constructive criticism. I think they both help a writer to achieve his/her best. Thanks again, Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Sunshine, I don't think that one presents much of a problem, as this originally was written in the prose style of poetry. That line doesn't really leave you dangling like the other did. That is only IMHO, of course. I thank you for your input, however, and appreciate your reading and commenting. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
I had no problem with this poem, I read it just as it was written and I understood every word and I love the piece, very expressive and a good write. strbbux |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Kris, Thanks to Strbbux for bumping this one back up. I guess I missed it the first time around. I like the way you have looked at the idea of suicide and then rejected it, ironically, not because it seemed the wrong thing to do or the coward's way as is so often said, but because fear caused you (the speaker that is) to back out. As usual, it was well written but of course, this is Critical Analysis, and there are a couple of things which seemed out of place to me. First, I really enjoyed the image but I find it hard to imagine a river with freighters and flotsam that has cobalt water. I think something closer to tomato soup or diesel fuel would be more accurate. Then in the second stanza, you refer to poles supporting the planks. While technically correct, they are preperly called pilings. Finally, in the same stanza, I believe breakwall should be seawall. Thanks for an interesting read, Pete |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
strbbux, Thank you for your very kind and complimentary words. I am so glad that you were able to comprehend and enjoy the poem. Thanks again  ,Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (12-23-2001 05:25 PM).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dear Pete, How are you, old friend???? Hope all is well. About the poem...it is actually not a poem about suicide, but about sitting on the edge of your life, and having to make choices. I was sitting on a small boardwalk, not a dock, when I wrote this, and the feelings were actually there. The water was deep, very deep, and dark blue (I live in Michigan, after all). When you sit on the edge of a dock or boardwalk...whatever, and the deep power of the water is flowing beneath you, you do feel physically drawn towards it. Seagulls were screaming... and all of that gave me the idea for this poem. I did not write the last couple of lines till I had gone back to my room...after I had pulled myself up by my fear, unsteady in my space. I defer to you that the poles are probably known as pilings, but don't think it matters in this work. Up here, we do call them breakwalls... Thanks, Pete, for reading and for responding. Nice to hear from you. I wish you and yours a holiday season full of love, joy, and peace. Merry Christmas ,Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (12-23-2001 05:47 PM).] |
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