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Pillow Talk
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Pillow Talk |
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Englishpoet Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54Birmingham, England |
Pillow Talk As first rays of sunlight greet Each morning at dawn, I hear pitter-patter of tiny feet, Worn-out wooden floors creak As you come to sneak into my bed, For a pillow talk of nothingness. You hug me. You kiss me. You tell me. How much you miss me. You love me. You sparkle like an effervescent drink. While I groan like a muffled drum. You’re soft as velvet, warm as mink, While I am drowsy like Jamaican rum. As we lay head-to-head in bed. With a smile of silk you said: Where is my bottle of milk? © 2001 by Asif Ahmed. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Asif Ahmed - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like this. There are some phrases I might consider too cliche in other instances, like "pitter-patter of tiny feet" or "soft as velvet" but they all seem to work out fine in this, especially when compared to your wonderful use of rhyme and wordplay. It's not a poem that's trying to break barriers or take itself too seriously, it's simply trying to be a nice image, and to that extent, it succeeds marvelously. "we are all citizens of the womb before we subdivide |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Asif, And welcome to CA. It's always fun to hear a new voice, especially when introduced by such a charming piece as this. It left me with the proverbial warm, fuzzy feeling. Check your email and thanks for sharing. Pete |
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strbbux Member Elite
since 2001-12-19
Posts 3859 |
I can't even find the words to tell you how much I loved this.. such a warm and loving poem. strbbux |
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Englishpoet Member
since 2001-12-18
Posts 54Birmingham, England |
Dear All Thank you all for your kind words. I wrote this one morning as i went to work - it's for my five years old daughter - for whom I get the bottle of milk each morning and have done so for years - she has the art of charming. Asif |
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