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Broken Hearted
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Broken Hearted |
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jfreak Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 306Yuma, AZ, USA 
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Posted this in Spiritual...just wanted you guys to look at it and give me in depth critiques...good to go? J~ "Broken Hearted" November 12, 2001 12:08 a.m. She said the words... that pierced my heart... as like a knife ripping the flesh away... pain courses through my body... making the nerves dance at ever slash she has to say... Will I hate...will I forgive... will I live to play another day... will I cry....will I die... will anyone else ever hear me say? I love you...I want you...will you be mine to... I need you...I miss you...will you be mine true... I turned my back... I walked away... I left him hanging there at the altar of grace... I refused see... didn't want to believe... that I crushed his heart the very same way... She broke mine...I wasn't fine... How does he feel about being betrayed... He did die...now he cries... and I wonder if I'll ever hear him say... I love you...I want you...will you be mine to... I need you...I miss you...will you be mine true.... I see his grace... wash over me like a breaking ocean wave... He wraps his loving arms around me... I am safe in his embrace... as a prodigal returns home in the filth of his disgrace... the father only sees... the eyes pouring out remorse and he gently says... I love you...I want you...will you be mine to... I need you...I miss you...will you be mine true... You are mine my son... the apple of my eye... can't you see my love... in every sunrise... I sing to you always, with the wind... I paint a portrait just for you at every sunset... can't you see my treasure in the starry night sky... if you listen for my voice I'll sing you a gentle lullaby... I love you...I want you...You are mine to... I need you...I have you...You are mine true... |
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| © Copyright 2001 jfreak - All Rights Reserved | |||
Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
jfreak, "The sacrifices of God are a broken Spirit. A broken and a contrite heart - these Oh God you will not despise". Psalm 51 |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
A beautiful poem jfreak. The only critique I could make is that the three periods at the end of each line diminishes your writing. It gives the words less power. Other than that, it was very well written. Thanks for the great read. The day is brighter, but the dawn is sweetest. |
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