Watching Summer Die - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

Watching Summer Die

Ven
Member

since 2001-10-01

Posts 102
U.K.

0 posted 2001-10-01 08:58 AM

Watching Summer Die.

Wiping down the misted windows,
peering out at a dismal sky,
as clouds the colour of age stained linen
pour down autumns tears.
weeping,
watching summer die.

Drawing curtains on early darkness
hearing the wind whistling by
as the first bars of falls lilting harmonies
turn to winters song.
wailing,
watching summer die

by Ven.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2001-10-01 10:27 AM

Hi Ven,

Welcome to Critical Analysis. I like your first post. Very interesting. I only have one small suggestion at this time. I would get rid of the periods in the middle of both stanzas. Not only do they seem to disrupt the thought flow but they also create unnecessary sentence fragments of the remaining lines in both cases.

Check your email.

Pete

Never express yourself more clearly than you can think - Niels Bohr

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.