stumbling - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Critical Analysis #1

stumbling

Jonathon A. Lowry
Junior Member

since 2001-07-07

Posts 38

0 posted 2001-07-07 01:48 AM

Threw this life i must travel,
tripping and stumbling in the gravel...
In the end my fate will be told,
soul set to be free, as this body turns COLD...
As this mortal body dies and slowly rotts away,
this soul must leave now, it no longer can stay...
My fate lies in a myth from above,
no longer to feel pain, only to feel love...
--------OR--------
Maybe ill die and be condemned to BURN in hell,
if this comes to be my fate, in the gravel i surely fell...
My soul set free to BURN, my life has been a waste,
never to feel the warmth of heaven, the breath of the devine, i never will taste...

Dr. Jo-Bizz
Member

since 2001-06-06

Posts 97

1 posted 2001-07-07 11:51 PM

i liked the unconventional style of this; the words like "cold" and "burn" emphasized by all caps was a useful tool. I also liked the ------OR------ that so starkly divided the two options from one another (another device of cold and burn, two opposites...)

dr. jo-bizz

But His word was in my heart
like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding back,
And I could not.

Jonathon A. Lowry
Junior Member

since 2001-07-07

Posts 38

2 posted 2001-07-08 12:09 PM

thank you doc. no pun intended but thanx for the critiscism
jonathon

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.