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Jealous
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Jealous |
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Trina Member
since 2001-06-28
Posts 97 |
Giving me the evil eye while I walk around looking cute with my dimples and my long brown hair with your former man at my side You look at me enviously trying to find my every flaw to go point out to your friends and laugh a while at nothing of importance Doing everything to get close and get me out the picture well, you had your turn now in his eyes it's my time to shine I'm walking around just as happy as can be see I have no insecurities I don't need to judge and analyze you or any other female You are no on to me not even an enemy you are just a very insecure girl with many flaws your biggest flaw of all is being a hater |
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| © Copyright 2001 Trina - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
This is posted in three forums....I'm leaving this here for critique. |
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Jessica
since 2001-06-28
Posts 350South AL |
I am saying this nicely... The poem has an intresting direction and idea but it could use a little work. It has no flow or grace about it... You need that with poetry.  |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
Well, the speaker seems to jump from not analyzing flaws to pointing them out... seems like a contradiction to me. Other than that, I agree with Jessica. This is basically like a journal entry with line breaks. If you are going to address another person in a poem (which I have always found very difficult to pull off) maybe you could phrase it more elegantly, put some feeling into it that affects the reader and not just the person it's addressed to. everything's fine. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I think Hush is going about in the right direction here. The poem speaks to another very specific person but does little to cause the general reader to have much sympathy for either her or the writer. I agree that it would be difficult to make this message generally interesting but it would not be impossible. It is, of course, an interesting subject and if you took maybe a different slant on it a revision could be interesting. BTW, I don't think I have seen your name in this forum before. So welcome to CA. I hope to see much more from you soon. JMHO, Pete |
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