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Poetry Hearted Again
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Poetry Hearted Again |
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MrsIdris New Member
since 2001-05-29
Posts 1 |
I have recently meet a man who has shown me that my dreams of love were nothing compaired to the real thing! He has opened my heart to feelings I have never dreamed possible. And though I wanted to express my feelings I was afraid no words would be good enough. So it took me a while to get enough never to even try. But here is the end result...please...feed back would be appreciated. How Often? How often have I cried at night, so angry and afraid. Giving up my very will to fight, knowing my bed was made? How often have I fallen... knowing deep inside my heart, the love that I was feeling, would tare my world apart? How often have I dreamed of love... so perfect and so true, and given up that dream each time, till one day there was "YOU"? Now how often do I wonder... whose life I'm living now? Don't pinch me if I'm dreaming! You've changed everything somehow! How often do I think of you... and try to let you know, that you are everything I need, and dreamt of long ago? How often do your words... smother me with love? Reach deep inside, no place to hide, My Angel from above. How often do I adore you? (not nearly often enough) For you saw in me, your spouse to be...a diamond in the rough. How often do I call your name? Idris, I love you so. And count my blessings one by one, So this I pray you know. That I will always love you! Adore you near or far. And praise the day I met you, no matter where you are. And one day when we marry, and you look into my eyes, You'll see the love I carry.... I've won the greatest prize! I love you Idris, with all my heart and soul. |
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| © Copyright 2001 MrsIdris - All Rights Reserved | |||
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
For a first attempt, this isn't bad- but there are quite a few things I would smooth out. First of all, the title- I think "Poem-hearted Again" is much more clear on the meaning. Your ideas are good, and the flow isn't too choppy, but it could be a little smoother- I would suggest loosening the rhyme scheme a bit but keeping it where it is really strong and works well, such as in stanza three. (BTW, as a side note, PLEASE take the quotations nd caps off of "YOU" in stanza three- it is distracting and the emphasis makes it seem sarcastic). Also, I think Idris is an unimaginably beautiful name- it makes me think of quiet night-times and stars and dreams- you should expand your wording to include less commonplace images and phrasings- use longer, wispy words- wanderlust, nightingale, willowy, feathery, star-strewn- that kind of mood is a good way to go with this topic, I think... If I had a soul I sold it |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello MrsIdris, I just wanted to welcome you to the CA forum. I think Hush has already given pretty good advice so I won't try to add anything now. Check your email for a message. Pete |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Welcome Mrs.ldris! Your poem is written with so much love for the man in your life! Your words are so heartfelt and I can feel the passion and joy that you must have felt when you wrote this. Great first post, I hope to read more of your poems in the future! Debbie |
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