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Infinity #16
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Infinity #16 |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Infinity #16 by Kirk T Walker She was sixteen. and got drunk on the idea of infinity. I wasn’t much older, but I exploited the idea for all it was worth. Eventually, she discovered that I was no Einstien and declared that our infinity was over --the formula was all wrong. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kirk T Walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Yay Kirk - I like it! Very reminiscent of one of my favourite English poets, Simon Armitage (you’d like his work I think). The only line I wonder about is the fourth. It seems a little clumsy. The poem relies on its punchy delivery for effect and this part seems drawn out. I don’t think the repetitions of “I”and “idea” help, both of these are unnecessary I think. Maybe a bit shorter would be better as well. Other than that it’s a pretty clever and entertaining little piece. Oh, btw was the typo on Einstein deliberate? Just to make the point .....lol  ..Thanks for another good read Kirk F |
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Kurt Rhys Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23 |
Nice observation about youthful sex strategies; I also like the Einstien youthful mispronunciation (whether or not it was your intent). The only change I'd make is switch "older" to "bolder", a minor and probably unimportant suggestion. |
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Joricho Member
since 2001-05-06
Posts 56Australia |
Neat, funny, tightly written - I like this! I especially thought the sixteen/ infinity juxtaposition in the first 2 lines was sharp. Thanks, Kirk! [This message has been edited by Joricho (edited 05-20-2001).] |
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7 Member
since 2000-04-26
Posts 113Amherst, MA, USA |
I'm lucky today. All the poems I randomly decide to read end up blowing me away. The only thing I would even think about changing is the frequency of "be" verbs, particularly in the last two lines. Otherwise, it's all good! 7 |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
kirk-- lol, i enjoyed this one very much. the last line was very clever and makes it work. great title, too, btw! well done! jenni |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Thanks a lot for your comments everyone! They were very helpful. furlong: Thanks for the input. I agree about I and idea and yes, I mispelled Mr. E's last name--I will fix that. Kurt: interesting suggestion. I will think about it very seriously. Joricho, 7, and jenni: thanks for your comments |
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