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Al Fumayle On Billionaires
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Al Fumayle On Billionaires |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Al Fumayle says: ‘You see that long list of billionaires they trumpet each year? Sounds like the Angel Gabriel himself blowing his horn in their honor. Hell’s bells, you’d think them folks were hoarding money or something. Ain’t going to be enough for the rest of us, if you know what I mean,’ Al chuckles a nice one – as only he can. ‘Never had much more than wages to my name, address, or phone book,’ Al says like the poor proud honest wage earner he proudly is. Course Al’s never had a lot of anything or anyone to put in any of his pockets. Puts his undernourished paycheck in there once in a while but that’s about it. ‘He who dies with the most toys… what? Dies at the North Pole?’ Al chuckles like it was Santa himself showed him how to shake like a bowl full of jelly. ‘If you like toys, isn’t that the place to find them? At the North Pole? I reckon all I’m looking to find is a lousy beer – or two, or three, or four, or more – and a soft chair to set in front of a damn reliable color TV set, if you know what I mean. Them’s as good a ‘toys’ as I know how to play with,’ Al winks with that sinister smile of his like he’s pretending to be sly or something – of course Al never pretends about anything, worth a damn. He especially can’t pretend when he’s going on about TV, or beer, you know -- life’s indispensables. ‘TV keeps getting funner and funner to play with,’ Al chuckles like he’s auditioning for a laugh track. Al’s always saying things most people agree with but won’t hardly ever admit that they do. ‘Follow folks around with those TV cameras – nosing into anything and everything that ain’t nobody’s business. Ain’t my business neither but I like to poke my nose in anyway. See what the hell’s going on out there while I’m sitting in my living room, drinking a beer. I reckon I’m not the only idiot around town anymore. No sir, not by a long shot,’ Al laughs like he’s got a snoot full of suds or something. When it’s Al’s turn to laugh he always takes it – never missed a turn yet. Not once that I ever saw anyway. ‘Spend my whole life trying to catch up to them damn billionaires, but they leave me spitting their damn dust, sure as money down the ****ter,’ Al uses up another of his turns to laugh. ‘Them fortunate 500 probably don’t even care what’s on TV most of the time,’ Al snorts a mighty guffaw like someone’s paying him good money for it or something – getting their money’s worth too. ‘I admit I don’t know the difference between the stock market and the stock corral -- if you know what I mean. But I do know that being a billionaire wouldn’t keep me from watching what’s on the tube tonight. No way no how. Don’t ever lose sight of what’s really important no matter how many billions of dollars you own,’ Al winks another sly one. ‘Take it from someone who believes toys are made by elves at the North Pole and who watches reality TV.’ Al takes his turn to laugh again. Can never fault a man for laughing I reckon. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
marq-- i thought this was really prose-y, and couldn't see any reason for the line breaks occurring where they did. overall, the piece resembles the wisdom-of-the-cabbie articles that the syndicated columnist william raspberry writes sometimes, but i still found it entertaining. thanks, jenni |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
My first observation was that this piece might work as well (or better) as prose--I see that Jenni already commented on its proselikeness. Here are the rest of my comments: 1)I am assuming that Al Fumayle is not a real person? 2) proud and proudly in the same line didn't work for me 3)I really liked "Fortunate 500" 4)The speaker and Al seem to blend together in their comments, like someone telling about themself. I would keep the speaker more formal (as a sort of frame for Al's vernacular) and lose lines like "snoot full of suds" in the speaker's lines and save them for Al only. It would help separate the two, I think. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Thank you Jenni and Kirk for your helpful comments! |
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