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about flying
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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about flying |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL 
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About Flying I know now how birds can fly on feathered wings sings joyous song fair acrobatic dancing prancing through the air what thoughts of gravity? brevity certainly not! I do know though I can't fly. RB ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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| © Copyright 1999 RobertB - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
WARNING: negative criticism The ending is kind of cute but why do I feel you came up with a theme to fit a form you wanted to try? Why is it important that the character knows how birds fly? Why should a reader care about it? 'on feathered wings' is way overused. 'sings joyous songs' is too. I don't understand 'brevity certainly not'. Can you explain whay you mean here? 'fair acrobatic dancing'-- is that how you see birds fly? I'm sorry but I saw flying monkeys instead. I did like the ending. Brad |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
thanks Brad....in this poem I was more concerned with the style of it. Did you notice the way it rhymed crossways? The first line came to me at work and when I wrote it down I noticed the way it was and decided to do that through the whole poem. I liked the challenge. RB ------------------ if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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