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Critical Analysis #1
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The Illiad of Homer
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Illiad of Homer |
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Kurt Rhys Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23 |
Rage--of Peleus's Akhilleus's rage, begin goddess singing, Such a blow as sent Akhaians immense painfulness, flinging In droves to Hades hero-spirits unwavering And rendered their flesh food to dogs and all birds for savoring And to this end the will within Zeus was accomplished since the day When first there stood parted at having been in a fray Lordly Atreuson, chieftan of men and Akhilleus the bright. What god was it bestired both into a quarreling strife to fight? 'Twas Leto's and Zeus's son, who, wroth with the chief, raised fetid bane Throughout the army's length, so that people died for the great disdain Shown to the priest Khryses whom Atreuson was defaming When he came by the fast Akhaian ships for his daughter's reclaiming, In boundless ransom-bearing and holding a gold staff in his hands, Wound about with the far-shooting Apollo's crowning bands; And then he himself pleaded with all the Akhaians when he spoke, But above all, Atreus's two sons, the commanders of the folk: |
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| © Copyright 2001 Kurt Rhys - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hi Kurt...welcome to passions and CA  Ok...your poem. Several things here. My first thought - is this it? It reads like there is supposed to be more...it's in the form of a straight narrative obviously...but it isn't wrapped up at all. What exactly is this trying to say? It's like a few lines of information...maybe you could tie it up to make it more effective? I think you have done fairly well in writing in the 'tales of old' style..although some lines are certainly overbearing and awkward... 'In boundless ransom-bearing and holding a gold staff in his hands, Wound about with the far-shooting Apollo's crowning bands' these are nice...but these: 'And rendered their flesh food to dogs and all birds for savoring And to this end the will within Zeus was accomplished since the day When first there stood parted at having been in a fray' are very awkward... I think some of your rhyming reads a little forced also, such as singing and flinging. Overall, I think it has potential...  K |
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Kurt Rhys Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23 |
Severn, there is more, just Book One. I was putting out feelers and found that you felt as I did. Thank you for confirming my own self-analysis. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
kurt-- yeah, i agree with severn, the story has "potential," lol. is this your own translation? if it is, i think you're bold and brave to try it, not to mention extremely well-educated to be able to understand ancient greek. one thing that immediately caught my attention: why "atreuson" [son of atreus]instead of "agamemnon"? is that closer to the way it appears in the original? it'd be great if you could skip ahead to the part where hector's wife begs him not to go out against akhilleus. i love that part. thanks for posting this for us, jenni |
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Kurt Rhys Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23 |
Yes, jenni, my own, but with the help of Cunliffe's Greek lexicon, Loeb's classics, and an overnight stay at a Best Western motel, I feel I can fake it with th best of them. And you are right, it has potential, but........ |
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Kurt Rhys Junior Member
since 2001-05-08
Posts 23 |
Addendum jenni, sorry for not finishing my response, but was on an errand I thought would take longer. "Atreuson", is a translation of "Atreides", a patronymic meaning "son of Atreus", which I use for "Agamemnon", sometimes for euphony or the dictates of Homer's hexameter, but also because of its transparency. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I'm torn with this one. I find the arcahic usages irritating but, at the same time, I know that I was already expecting a modernized version of the poem. How can I complain about that if that wasn't your intention? I've thought about writing a series of pop-psychology studies on the characters (never got around to it though) -- for example, does anyone else think Achilles is really just a big baby? You have the couplet rhyme scheme but with the archaic usages and all, why not shoot for a dactyllic metric scheme as well? Just an opinion, Brad |
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