can you tell me what's wrong with hoping?

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Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

0 posted 1999-09-27 06:32 PM

I wrote this one and posted it on another forum and it was not taken the way I meant it, so would appreciate some feedback, I will wait to see how you take it before I say how I meant it ok? thanks

can you tell me what's wrong with hoping?

She looks at the candy bars
and decides she doesn't really need one anyway
and puts her dollar on the counter
and says "one, please."
"cash or annuity?" he monotones back
and away she walks with her hopes in her hand

She looks at the scuffs on her boots and
with a shrug she thinks,
If I don't win
I am gonna have to shine my shoes…
and put the button back
that fell off my jacket and
fix that tear in my seat...

and you know, she thinks as
the car door closes her
into the reality of her world,
and she blinks away the tears
from a heartache buried much too long,
If I don't win the lottery
I am going to have to
grow up
and be responsible
for this person called "me"

she looks at the run
in her hosiery, caused by the tear in the seat
and at her watch
cause she had to stand in line
much too long at the only one checker for lunch hour convenience store
and knows she's gonna be late...again...
tucks the lottery ticket under her visor
with an absent minded motion
and wonders what the numbers will be
she turns up the radio
...before she turns the key

------------------
©1999 Iloveit

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

1 posted 1999-09-27 07:58 PM

I could be wrong, but Im going to take a guess here.....

Im thinking this poem is about someone with almost nothing to hope for, for everything seems so bad. Then she opts for a sliver of hope in the lottery ticket as opposed to the surefire pleasure in the candy bar, knowing that she really cant afford one, let alone both. But she decide to take a chance on the ticket since the potential payoff is so great.

But in her mind she knows she wont win, and knows shes going to have to go abck to normal life anyway, and suddenly realizes that her hopes are intruding into her everyday routine again. But nevertheless, she waits for the numbers to be called, just in case she won.

Thats my interpretation, correct me if im wrong.

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

2 posted 1999-09-28 10:34 AM

Thanks, you just reafirmed my thoughts that maybe I can write poetry after all

...that's exactly what I meant

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

3 posted 1999-09-28 01:09 PM

It wasn't too hard to figure out.....how exactly did poeple interpret it last time you posted it?

------------------
"Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage."
-Billy Corgan-

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

4 posted 1999-09-28 01:18 PM

well with just light comments that they too buy lottery tickets, I don't think they saw what I meant about the lottery ticket being just a bandaid over the despair of her real life.....thanks for your comments

RainbowGirl
Member Elite

since 1999-07-31

Posts 3023
United Kingdom

5 posted 1999-09-28 06:46 PM

ILoveit: Well I have an excuse, I'm in your mind..*g*

HUSG

------------------
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

6 posted 1999-09-28 06:54 PM

hugs back and yep, you know me only too well

sigh

JTF
Member

since 1999-08-09

Posts 319
France

7 posted 1999-09-29 10:22 AM

Shucks !!! ... I thought it was an acrostic and I was deep in my dictionary (the abreviation wouldn't sound that good here ) trying to get the meaning of it !

Now, if *I* were in your mind, I would be swelling ... errr, I mean your head would be swollen ...

Seriously I understood what you meant ... and you know my lousy English ... so please don't think you can't write poetry ...

... it's a great one and personaly I find that the last 2 lines speak volumes !

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

8 posted 1999-09-29 11:20 AM

lol@swollen head

and acrostic lolol, I might deem to call myself a poet, but an acrostic I have never done lol

and thanks, for your smiles and for your compliments....and yep, the last 2 lines have a lot of meaning to me too...

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