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The Beast
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Beast |
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PortuguesePoet Junior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 34 |
It screams its wrath, A monstrous beast Of light, sound and motion, Moving on the horizon, Gathering speed. I watch the gathering storm, Towers of air and water, Boiling and rolling ever upwards. It’s gaze, lightning, It’s teeth, thunder, It whips at my coat, Daring me to come out. But I return, Lock the door and shut the windows, Listening to the rolling thunder, Watching the fiery lightning. It growls at me, For it wants me out in the open. But I, coward at heart remain, Safely cocooned in walls of stone, Listening to the wrath, Listening to the beast. |
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| © Copyright 2001 PortuguesePoet - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello Portuguese Poet, I don't think I have seen your name here before so, Welcome to Critical Analysis. I like your first post. You have given an entirely different view of an approaching storm. Although the water part is a bit foreign, living here in central Oklahoma, I am no stranger to what you describe. In fact we are but a few days from the anniversary of the famous May 3rd tornado. You reminded me vividly of that experience. Very well done. Check your email for a welcoming message. Pete |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I really like the idea behind this poem and the images you present. My main suggestion is that instead of telling us that that its gaze is lightning, etc. that you show us (I think you do this very well in the first stanza). The experience would be greatly enhanced for the reader is they could make the connection for themself. I might title it The Storm and then only make reference to "the beast" in the poem or something like that. Just a suggestion. Also I think the comma after remain might belong before it (4th line from bottom). Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I like the feel of this poem, Storm or Beast, one and the same. The whole poem can be taken as an analogy also to a storm of life. I am enjoying your poetry. |
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PortuguesePoet Junior Member
since 2001-04-24
Posts 34 |
Thanks all for the comments...i tend to dislike reworking poems. It feels like tearing at a poem of my soul. As Pontius Pilate said. What I have written I have written..LOL Yes it can be taken as aa analogy to the storms of life, the most dangerous storms of all.. Love from portugal |
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CA_Dreamer Junior Member
since 2000-05-01
Posts 11Iowa, USA |
I like this poem. Excellent imagry. I like a poem that I can relate my own emotions to. I also like traditional stanzas instead of random lines. (which is probably evident in my own writing.) Nice Job. Worth reading at least twice. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Are you a native speaker of English? If not, I commend you on your attempt to write in another language. The key to good writing is rewriting. The difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. --Mark Twain Stop worrying about your soul and start worrying about the poem.  Anyway, the poem lacks suspense. You have the analogy but you need to work it so that the analogy does something to the reader, so that the reader somehow feels the same sense of dread, fear lurking just underneath the surface. I think this can be done here but you give too much away too quickly. Just an opinion, Brad |
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