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FanZaFawling
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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FanZaFawling |
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~DreamChild~ Senior Member
since 2001-04-23
Posts 544in your dreams 
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Round and Round You Go! You Go! Make the wind that steady blows. Whoosh! Whoosh! Don't spin loose. I'm sitting here below. Yes, Yes! This breeze is best. Put up my feet, and take a rest. A crack above, Oh No! Oh No! One more crack, and down she goes. Ouch! Ouch! I've been knocked out! I think I've lost a tooth! No more breeze to blow and blow, the ceiling fan spun loose! dancing freely with the stars, |
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| © Copyright 2001 derrick gillum - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Funny poem. Very much like Silverstien or Prelutsky. Have you considered including an illustration to this poem? Perhaps a child being shot off the page as they come loose from the fan? I think such an illustration would compliment this poem nicely. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Dreamchild, Welcome to CA. An ode to a ceiling fan, a nice start. Please check your email for a welcoming message. Pete |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
This is a nice post. I like the style a lot. My only suggestion is to perhaps use a consistent tense and make sure the wording in your explanatory lines read smoothly and without awkwardness. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
very good first post... and WELCOME 2 CA..hope u enjoy ur stay here keep writing   ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins |
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williamthepoet Junior Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 10 |
i really liked the style; the repition seemed so natural and the poem really flowed well. and welcome to ca william |
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