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Critical Analysis #1
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Memories
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Memories |
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KrZyThinker New Member
since 2001-04-20
Posts 4 |
Memories are stepping stones From one event to another we hop We remember the important ones The ones that touched our lives The ones that saddened us The ones that brought us joys Don't look back at the stones So that you may stumble But toward the new path Stones that will give hope Stones that will give strength Stones that will give happiness "Look forward to the future And not dwell in the past" |
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| © Copyright 2001 KrZyThinker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Didactic poems are very difficult to do. You've let the theme take over the poem. Stick with the image and see what happens with that -- I feel like a hammer hit my head with the message and unlike E.D. Hirsch, I don't like that.  I think this could be an interesting tactile piece (the water, the stones, the sensation of skipping)if you let yourself explore it a bit more. Just an opinion, Brad |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i have to first tell you what attracted me to your poem: have you ever seen the movie "teenage mutant ninja turtles"? the first one? well there was this soundtrack made entirely by no name people who were hired just to record songs about mutant turtles and other stuff while sounding incredibly rokkish and trite. there were songs like "pizza power" and "9.95" and one called "T-U-R-T-L-E power" and there was one called "skipping stones" and when i read about your "stepping stones" i thought of it and i think you should call the poem stepping stones. why? well, because much like the song "skipping stones" your poem isn't about the actual stones. it's about memory. but to call a poem "memories"? i don't know about that. i think you shouldn't just talk about stones in general either. pick a particular stone. pretending that i wrote this poem, i would recall a rock i slipped on in a creek, causing my feet to fly out from under me after which i promptly cracked the back of my head on that same rock. you know, it struck me as odd that a rock which could be slippery enough to trip me could be sharp enough to cut into my flesh. doesn't seem fair does it? i don't know. i'm not particularly inspired by that, but maybe you had some more special rocks in your life: a pet rock, a rock that broke your window (always a good metaphor, just try not to be to hackneyed in carrying it out), a rock you threw in wrath, a cobblestone. do you see where i'm going here? make this poem more personal, and you will have a better poem. the things you are saying about memories can be pretty much said by anyone, but can just anyone say, "well, memories are like stones, the ones laying in the stream by my grandma's house, and when i was 6, a colony of bullies threw them at me, nearly stoned like a martyr for what? sometimes, someone or some place, some memory will come at you, or lay quietly in a stream, and whether or not it fractures your skull, you still know it's there." i'm not trying to be preachy, just helpful. i don't know enough to be preachy, i just like to hear stories, and i think every good poem is essentially a story. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I agree with Brad. It's kind of a nice little ditty to read though most of the lines are ordinary and some a little awkward: so that you may stumble/but toward the new path. Nice idea! But I think you can say it smoother and more poetically. Practice makes perfect! Love your name! |
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