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I Know I'm Not
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I Know I'm Not |
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starryeyed999 Junior Member
since 2001-03-05
Posts 35 |
"I Know I'm Not" I know I'm not a beauty, Never have been and never shall be. I know I'm not a genius, never had the brains of the family. I know I'm not quite talented in anything I do, But one thing is for certain - I'll never stop loving you |
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| © Copyright 2001 starryeyed999 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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The_Rose Junior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 10 |
Dear Starryeyed999, A few comments, if I may, on the poem. It is good to write one's thoughts, then review what the words say, what had been intended, and how they may be improved. Often by inspection, some time later when one's mood may not be the same as when you wrote the poem, you may feel differently about the words. I also suggest to always read the composition aloud, which helps to learn a sense of rhythm heard within the words. Now to the poem. I guess the first question would be, "what did you intend to convey to the reader?" From my reading of the words, the last line declares the commitment of an affection for the person thus intended the words to see. A fine and proper sentiment, indeed. Let us look, too, at the preceding six lines. What do they in fact describe? To my reading, they declare the speaker as not beautiful, not smart, not talented, nor will ever attain any of these acquired traits. But, despite these conditions, and stated as failures, unending love is declared. I suggest to consider whether the logic in the poem is quite right. Let's look at the last two lines as compared to the previous ones. They do not seem to be logically connected with the others. For example, the line, "But one thing is for certain -" suggests the lines before show some uncertainty in what they say. I think the prior lines are stated without any doubt about capability. Illogical linkage is a weakness many poems possess. That weakness in the poem is, I think, the greatest and easiest to correct. Describing one's self unworthy, yet steadfast in their loyalty, is an argument unlikely, I think, to be appealing to the person of one's affection. In fact, there is an English poem written by one of the cavalier poets, during the time of Charles I, which makes the same point. For balance, I should mention everyone does not ascribe to the view that a poem must be logical or in any way make sense. There is some merit in this view, and you, as your further growth in writing poetry increases, which I believe will occur should decide for yourself. Be guided by your desires and expectations. For in the end, writing poetry should give to the writer some return of value or worth. You've made a brave beginning offering the poem for comment from others. Persist. I hope these words are helpful. The Rose |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hi, The Rose offered you exeptional advice, and I can not offer you much more. I am, however, a more positive-thinker than you are, and as I read your words, I winced. Everyone has their own beauty, and there are many different kinds of intelligence...we are all good at something. I can see that you have a talent with words, though you may need to explore the different avenues of writing and poetry. It takes time and patience...reading, reading, reading, and then writing. I'm looking forward to more of your work, Kris  "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Starry, I don't think I have seen you name in CA before so let me welcome you to the family. You did get some pretty good advice above but I get the feeling it may be a bit discouraging. On the positive side, I did understand exactly what you were relating to me, at least my version of it, that is. I do think Rose makes a valid point about the sudden change of direction, usually called a turn. It is too big a jump for the mind to handle smoothly. If you can tone it down a bit or find a way to lead into it I think that would be a big improvement. Then some of the other lines could be smoothed for flow although I don't see any real stumbling blocks. Again, welcome. I like to start here and I hope to see much more from you. Thanks, Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein BTW, check your email for a special welcome message. [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 03-12-2001).] |
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samt Member
since 2001-08-02
Posts 52Brisbane |
I agree with all of you. But, poetry, like all art, shouldn't have a "way" to do it. Art's purpose is to express yourself and the way you feel, with no rules or limitations. Impressionist style. Keep writing Sambo |
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