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jbaker
Member

since 2001-02-16

Posts 74
Australia

0 posted 2001-02-22 02:22 AM

Watching the trees blowing in the wind
leaves and twigs falling to the ground.
Thoughts of you racing through my mind
oh how I wish you were still around.

Remembering the fun we had together
and how you loved me so.
I thought it would last forever
my feelings I would never show.

As a child there was always joy
with lots of laughter and love.
At times you probably wished I was a boy
not your sweet turtle dove.

When you became ill and passed away
I was so sad and full of grief.
My nights and days seemed so grey
yet for you, I know it was a relief.

You are in my thoughts each and every day
and some day we will be together.
So I wrote this poem for you, Dad
to tell you I will love you forever and ever.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2001-02-22 10:10 AM

Hello jbaker,

Welcome to CA, I see you are new here. It's always nice to hear a new voice in our favorite forum.

I thought the flow and rhyming were pretty good although there were a few lines which might use a little revision. The content, though, was the important thing. It really shows a great love for a father. But, it is difficult to critique a poem so filled with personal emotion. So I will wait to maybe learn what sort of suggestions you might want here.

Thanks for sharing,
Pete

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

2 posted 2001-02-22 01:40 PM

Welcome to C.A., jbaker,

No critiques upon welcoming, but you never know, I may catch you later.

Enjoy your stay!

Kris

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

jbaker
Member

since 2001-02-16

Posts 74
Australia

3 posted 2001-02-22 04:24 PM

Thanks Pete and Kris...hey, I don't mind how critical you are, after all we all learn by our mistakes. As I am new to this sort of thing, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Within reason, of course.This is the first time I have ever posted my work publically.....I have lots of poetry written on pieces of paper and on disc. But a fellow poet convinced me to post some on here.

I know I need a bit of help with rhyming and content...so you won't offend me if you be blunt with me. thanks again.
Jocelyn

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