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Teacher,
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Teacher, |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
This is an assignment I had not planned to write, A poem that will not be marked There is no one here to mark it, No one to hear these words but the dark I am struck by the unfairness of endings And angry at the close of the book The final chapters were left unwritten And we will never get another look This is not the way it should have been These things cannot occur This must be simply a bad dream And you must still be here Your words still on the blackboard But it is you who are erased Although you did not leave so cleanly In our minds, we still see your face We are sorry you were snatched away So sudden and so soon Before we said all we meant to say, You forever left your room Some will miss the teacher they did not know, Some will miss the friend they did Some will cry for the man you were Or for the life you did not live You are beginning a new book now That we will never get to read We will not be allowed to share in it And for that, we will grieve But we know it will be a new journey With different gifts for you to receive Thank you for all you brought to us And for all you were here to teach. |
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dreamer1 12 5 24 Member
since 2000-12-11
Posts 150crossing between |
Wow. That's sad. I guess I have a teacher I could write that about if she died. I hope she doesn't yet. Yeah, you made me think, and that's good. I enjoyed it. |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Pearls, You have explored a very unique brand of loss here. I love the idea; the loss of a mentor, someone who guides outside of being a family member or in the peer group is a signifigant topic. The only thing I have as far as a critical comment is the rhyming of "occur" and "here". You may want to change that or maybe even rewrite in a free-verse format if you want a little more freedom to explore the cascade of emotions. JMHO.  Loved the read. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
dreamer, Thank you very much for reading and responding. I'm always happy to know that something I've written helped someone to think about something they'd never thought of before, or to see things differently. =) Hi Jason, Nice to have you back. This poem actually was based on a real incident that happened last year. It was so long ago that I think trying to write about it again (editing or starting over) would be difficult, but thanks for the suggestion. Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you liked it. Everyone so far has assumed that this teacher was someone very special to me, but, strangely enough, he wasn't really someone I was close to. Maybe that's why the emotions aren't very raw in this. It's more of a reflection, I guess, so it came out sounding a little more objective. This teacher was somebody who pushed people away, somebody who seemed hard to love, and that's partly why his death seemed so sad to me. I was glad that while he was here, I tried to see the good in him and to realize that he was probably just unhappy and insecure, and that how he acted towards his students was really more about him than about us. In this poem, I wanted to draw attention to the fact that, although (perhaps even because) he wasn't perfect, he taught me so much more than what was on the ciriculum. He taught me about tolerance, and kindess, and unconditional love because I chose to see him as a teacher in my life, instead of as a problem. So many people just didn't give him a chance, and then it was too late. I was glad that I wasn't one of those people. Ashley |
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Temptress*Moon Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 240Long Island, NY |
Sad but beautiful*S* Had to read it it more then once *S* Temptress*Moon I slept and dreamed that life was beauty was thy dream then a shadowy lie? -ESH- |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Temptress*Moon, Thank you very much. May I ask why you had to read it more than once? I mean, was it because you didn't get what was happening in the first read, or....? |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
pearls- wow. i hadn't read this before. i remember when they erased mrs. broadus' board (tammy) and i just wept. this really gets me. i'm sorry i can't say much, but know that it is for excess of emotion, not lack thereof. |
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Carla New Member
since 2001-04-15
Posts 6 |
This poem is admirably restrained, keeping its entirely objective eye carefully focused on the logic of the thing, exploring the emotions from a distance. I like the consistent analogy, also the byplay between death and instruction, as if it is somehow more unfair for one who imparts wisdom to depart. There is a subtle accusatory feeling, as if the journeyer had packed his bags one night and simply fled. Wondering if you did not actually envy this person his life? I think that maybe this terrific poem could use a little tightening, maybe combining a verse here or there, this would lend some punch to some of the jabs that are weakened by repetition. -Carla |
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Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
roxanne, Thanks a lot. Don't worry about not saying much, especially if your life has been touched by the same thing, as it seems it has. I'm happy if you feel I've spoken for you in some way. =) Carla, Thanks to you too. To answer your question, no, I certainly didn't envy my teachers' life (for more details, read my long post above), but that's neat that you got some other interpretations. Repetition? Do you mean of images or words...? I read it again and I can kind of see what you mean, but I think I'll leave it as is. It's about a year old, for one, and for two, maybe this is one poem I wanted to keep edit-free and just allow it to say what I wanted or needed it to say. But I have been accused of having too much repetition before. I don't know if it really is a flaw or just the way I write. Hmmm. Thanks again to you both. I didn't realize this was still in the "current" pile, so that was a nice surprise. Ashley |
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