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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Continues... |
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sylphid Junior Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 30 |
Tonight or everynight.. As the soft voices die, Vibrates in the memory one that lingers One that has yet no sound… And in the longing (when) question ? The emotions lies to lie , Where to go about and hinder.. I hear you , yet I don’t know the voice I know you , yet I don’t see the face I see you , yet I don’t follow the sense I sense you, yet I am lost, still lost…. Trying your features on and your names, adding the minutes of the day in reflection Escaping to form in all, from all In me a wonderful cloud, A colorful cloud it must be To hold purple for dear mere But more like Malikk’s in form That can be a big ashtray for thoughts , To burn them along with smoke and coffee mist rising above , rising within..turn so familiar breathing in Brad's lungs.. Nourishing are those thoughts Them live lines that has well used intentions.. Them lines you all wrote…so willingly With frightened or loving proud hands With black or white gloves in Mark’s mind Them scented words ..you cannot listen to But can hear the odors floating nearby Not sickened by the sweet yellow roses Which past weltered … Buried in its grave or hanged on its crosses.. sentiment red ones too dear Kris... Weeping “vases be ready for death,, Words for doubt…” Ink , paper and thoughts..come to life, come with sound.. Forget me not, when you laugh Trevor and save me a loud tear at a duck site one or many being slaughtered...being conquered Donate, Insinuate , suffocate in me I listen hard to your recollections That smiled back once and Hear ones that cried truly and whimpered.. And I can live within the sense they weave , In Lerk’s portrayed talking dreams..artistically Climb the voice threads and the rose thorns.. all conceived.. Have me bleed , in your thoughts.. And continues …the search continues… [This message has been edited by sylphid (edited 02-09-2001).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
IMHO, it serves your cause much more effectively if you proofread and correct your own mistakes rather than ask your readers to "forgive them." Everyone commits typos as well as grammatical and punctuation mistakes and these can sometimes be tricky to find on your own. But if one expects the potential readers to suffer through these mistakes, it seems only fair that the writer at least have the interest to do the same. JMHO, Pete |
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sylphid Junior Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 30 |
Thanks you so much for the advice, i did post it as soon as i wrote thinking i will be cutt off as usual, but i was lucky to go back and revise it, thanks [This message has been edited by sylphid (edited 02-09-2001).] |
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