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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This is the Future. There are no bare streets, Nor wrecked buildings, As some have thought there would be.... Now the buildings have Been remodelled into Great skyscrapers And monuments to the progress of Mankind.... But there are crushed dreams. O how we wanted so much To have a wonderful world, And a paradise in which to live. Instead we have a vortex of conformity..... Do I remember the way It used to be, When there were trees And blue skies? No. Neither does anyone else. No one wants to Remember. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Don't suppose you could put more images in a poem called 'Images'? I guess that's the point though. Still, maybe a little less didacticism and a little more picture might make this more interesting. Just an opinion, Brad |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
ho! Frac! i can see what this is saying, man! this goes hand in hand with my comment on "human cooth" over in "phi-lo 101". a few ideas have been dictated to the masses, and the cattle don't question. only the Buggers! despite the expression of social suffocation and the desire to be an individual, i found the structure of the poem trying too hard. especially with the separation of no one wants to (and) remember. i feel that for this poem, these two lines should be reconnected. i don't feel it's emotional enough to allow for a dramatic separartion. not trying to take away from the impact of the poem. . .suggesting a perception. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Brad: I suppose you are right. It wasn't really my sole intent to include too many images in the poem. I just called it "Images" because I couldn't come up with a better name for it, lol. However, I think it would be interesting to try doing it with more images. Perhaps a futuristic type of Elliot's "The Wasteland"... Mark: Thankyou for the advice. I do have a tendancy to incorporate spaces like that into my poetry for no apparent reason. |
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