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Once Again
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Once Again |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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we were here in this place, once before, before the world intruded, stomping upon our lofty visions of love's envelopment, and now with visions resurrected, we stand before one another, eyes searching for anything we may have missed, fingers woven together, tightly, warmth spreading in palms pressed, we are drawn ever closer, till lips touch, carress, igniting fires from embers held in hope as all questions fall away and we are here once again. Kris < !signature--> "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-28-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Hi, how's it goin'?  I think you should expand and develop this stanza eyes searching for anything we may have missed, fingers woven together, tightly, warmth spreading in palms pressed, and leave the other parts to the reader. A poem solely concentrating on the actual hands being held would be very interesting. Just an opinion, Brad |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
hey kris! as usual, excellent! i'm going to comment on the holding hands part also. obviously, it is the strong part of the poem. i am simply going to make it known that as i scanned this, my heart was filled with comfort and warmth (warmhrt) at the mention (and description) of holding hands! something so simple, captured by your words, has put a smile inside me! thank you! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hello Brad... I'm doing fairly well...looking for snatches of time to write lately, though. How are you? As to focusing the poem on the hands...that is an interesting thought. I'll work on it, and see what I can come up with. Thanks for reading. Mark, I love it when someone says my words affected them in some way...especially when it's a "smile inside". Thanks for your kind comments...I sincerely appreciate them. Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
I think this is an intriging poem that puts you in the moment. I think it just needs a little pruning. such as we were here in this place, once before, before the world intruded, stomping upon our lofty visions of love's envelopment, Now with visions resurrected, we stand before one another eyes searching for anything we may have missed, fingers woven together, tightly, warmth spreading in palms pressed, we are drawn ever closer, till lips touch igniting fires from embers held in hope as all questions fall away Not sure if I would leave the "as all questions fall away, or just end it with "held in hope" Never the less I like your poem. |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Now I know what you're saying to yourself Kris..."Why couldn't he have just stayed away? Everything was so peaceful, but now..." "we were here in this place, once before, before the world intruded, stomping upon our lofty visions of love's envelopment," Good few opening stanzas. "and now with visions resurrected, we stand before one another," Consider rewriting this part. In my opinion its the weak part of the poem, kinda flat. There's gotta be a better way to say "together again". Just my opinion Kris. "eyes searching for anything we may have missed, fingers woven together, tightly, warmth spreading in palms pressed, we are drawn ever closer, till lips touch, carress," Really good two stanzas, thought this was the strongest written part of the poem. "igniting fires from embers held in hope" Maybe its just me but I'm tired of hearing about fires and embers Consider using another analogy, might be a little cliched."as all questions fall away and we are here once again." Simple in wording but effective ending that ties nicely into the beginning. I liked the poem more with each read and thought that some of it could use a little tweaking to enhance it. All in all an enjoyable read....and usually I don't like the mushy stuff. Thanks for the read and take care,Trevor |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Songbird, I appreciate your input and suggestions...I'll seriously consider them upon rewrite. Thanks Trev... Canucklehead! Nice to see ya back! You also had some good suggestions...especially about the "embers" stuff...it is a bit cliche. I'll work on it. Thanks...and it's really nice to see you posting again, Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
HELP!!!!! Somebody get this horrible old picture off of this thread! Why did it come up??????? And...the time of the last posts aren't changing!! Kris "It is wisdom to know others; It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 02-03-2001).] |
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