»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Miles
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Miles |
|
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Jazz is motion; not emotion. Trend... When trend is to, not form. Stilled by silence... A small voice... Tucked away deep inside. When the world has given you a little love.  < !signature--> Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac [This message has been edited by J.L. Humphres (edited 01-25-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
yes sir! be-bop the dandelion dance to the heart of those who know the truth of the uncontrolled! JAZZ! jazz music has no form. only function. domesticated breeds are prevalent, but wild jazz still can still be found! the space between the notes can be forever, but the blink of an eye will miss it. jazz is alive. it lives inside of you. it writes its own poems and this my friend is love. |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
It appears that we may have a couple of hard core jazz fans here. Bravo. I am one too. Nice work Jason, but I have a couple of comments. The semi-colon on line 1 is wrong, grammatically nothing is needed but a comma could be acceptable. In the second stanza, I would reorder the words thus: is not to form. To me anyway, this just flows better. I know it could alter the meaning a bit but it could also still be read with the same intent, a bit ambiguous maybe. Finally, my personal preference is for not so much white space and blank lines, although I know this is not necessarily a popular opinion. So, I'm not suggesting you change that, just voicing my own bias. But, I do think you have overdone the ellipses, the ... thingies. I like to use them on occasion but I do think it can easily be overdone. Overall, I really found this to be a well written and enjoyable tribute to that great American art form. Thanks for sharing. < !signature--> Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein Ooops, forgot to add, Mark, I really liked your response almost as much. Maybe you could polish it up a bit and post it as another jazz poem  Maybe we can get a series going here  [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 01-25-2001).] |
||
|
mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
J: it just hit me. Miles Davis? Pete: okey dokey. i'll work on it! |
||
|
J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Mark, Thanks. I loved your response, cool man. J.Pete, Thanks for your comments. The wording in the "to" line needs a comma after "to". "To" is stressed; as in "When trend is to, not form." Kind of goes back to the no form just function thing Mark mentioned. The elipses are meant to break the flow a bit. You know those irregular rests. Thanks for reading and responding. J. Mark, Miles Davis, miles down the open road with the radio tuned to that one brilliant station, miles of paper laid end to end and filled with the genious only true heart-felt jazz can stir. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jason, I like jazz alot...can't say I know a lot about it. Your last comment about "miles down the open road..." could, to me, be applied to any great music. Reading the comments educated me enough to see that your poem was very well done...in fact, I loved it before I knew the true meaning behind it. Thanks for the interesting read, and a bit of new knowledge. Kris "As to conforming outwardly and living your own life inwardly, I do not think much of that" - Thoreau |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Jason, should that be "to, not from" instead of "to, not form"? If so then I understand, otherwise I am still confused. Pete |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
