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Critical Analysis #1
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And Then I come Down
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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And Then I come Down |
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Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
There's a place of which I often dream A place where folks say what they mean Where hate and jealousy are never seen A place where love never turns green A place where tortises mingle with hares A place where we're always blissful, yet always aware We're naked as newborn babes and noby cares This world of mine is just a place where..... And in my lovers eyes dwell jewels divine In this place I am not the swine Its a place where I can go back in time Undo the damage wrought on me and mine Butterfly kisses he bestows on my cheeks I close my eyes, there's no need to speak Perfection is here...no cracks, no leaks It's a place to run from an existence so bleak Its a place where exotic birds will flock A place that eats away the shock With the freedom of a drifting boat undocked It's a secret place that I unlocked It's a place that's home to unicorns And caribou with velvet horns I have nothing left to mourn It's a place where I'm happy I was born It's a place where I am welcome and loved A place where I am never shoved Where I'm not a left hand in a right glove A place where I'm peaceful, and free as a dove A place thats kissed in golden light A place where noone ever fights A place where I am always right A place where everythings beautiful, day or night And then I come down |
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| © Copyright 1999 Systematic Decay - All Rights Reserved | |||
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donovan blue Junior Member
since 1999-09-21
Posts 26austin,tx,usa |
I'm always hesitant about very repetetive rhyme schemes, but you actually pulled it off here. I would suggest you don't hang up on the rhyming, though. I bet the same ideas expressed with more freedom would really blossom. Nice... |
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