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The Road to You
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Road to You |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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I drive, on automatic pilot, scenery flipping by unnoticed, as my mind wanders along roads unseen, roads that lead but to one destination, to you, my love, always, to you, the dusty lanes of what has been, and the as yet untraveled surfaces of what will be. Kris < !signature--> "As to conforming outwardly and living your own life inwardly, I do not think much of that" - Thoreau [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-19-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Kris, Brilliant!!!!!! I am in awe. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, Kris, I am always in awe of your ability to write FV. I still don't understand how you do it  But what's the sudden interest in "love poems?" This seems a bit strange doesn't it? Now understand that I'm not complaining. Quite to the contrary, I think it is a lovely new twist.Interesting imagery you have here. But again, you always seem to do that. I guess my only question would be, why so much blank space, all the short stanzas? Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Driving is well used here as the vehicle of choice for this well written poem. Good stuff. I especially like the last line. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jason, Is the sun in your eyes? You can't possibly be commenting on this paltry offering...are you? If so, I thank you deeply. Pete, I've always written love poems...they just aren't usually this concrete. My brain is on overtime, so it's just what's coming out. Perhaps it's a good thing...don't know. It's different for me though. The blank space or short stanzas, as you called them, are breaks or pauses...if you read it as it should be, the spaces are longer pauses than what a comma would be. As always, thanks for the kind words. Yesh, The vehicle employed to accomplish the effect desired was, yes, driving...glad you liked the road...I mean read. Kris "As to conforming outwardly and living your own life inwardly, I do not think much of that" - Thoreau |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
ok. . .now i understand what space does! i didn't just make it up! this is good kris! my thoughts: as my mind wanders along roads unseen roads that lead but one destination to you, my love, always to you, the dusty lanes of what has been and the as yet untraveled surfaces of what will be. "unseen" makes the word "been" sound like "bean"--which is cool, yet canadian (smile!)--which makes me question and the as yet untraveled surfaces does "the" sound like the typical midwestern "thuh", or is it supposed to sound like ye olde english "thee"? i question because (to me) it affects the stress of the syllable, which in turn affects the flow. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Mark, You come up with questions I have no answer to, and have never thought about... I suppose I could cop out and say that the reader would be the one to make that decision, as, ultimately, it is his to make. Thank you for your positive comments, Kris "As to conforming outwardly and living your own life inwardly, I do not think much of that" - Thoreau |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
I liked this one. My ONLY tweak would be to remove the first comma, as the line break does the pause for you without it. "A little folly now and then, is treasured by the wisest men" --Willy Wonka |
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