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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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number two |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
(Uhh. . .thanks for the responses everyone. gave me a bit to think about. . .where do i go to learn basic poem mechanics? i've been hacking verse for over a decade and feel i need to really know something now.) anyman no decoration on cold white walls empty loft and broken spring bed tuna salad sits uncovered in the fridge dandelion wine is open on the table solitude your only key keep it in your left back pocket walk home from work each morning at three extreme appreciation for fresh steeped tea this city may never know you were here tonight you sleep on the floor big toe frozen in december air you may never know you were in this city (this is old, and like the last one, from memory. seems nekkid without punctuation, i suppose, but who likes traffic jams?) |
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| © Copyright 2001 mark woolard - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mendy Junior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 34 |
Forgive a fellow hack but I have often asked the question, my current thinking is that the mechanics are not the most important thing it's the feeling. I'm from Africa and almost our entire history is recorded in passionate songs and poems made up by different poets. Someone else trying to read it will probably get the rhythm all wrong but you cannot help noticing it when it is performed. The most inspiring poem I have ever come across is by Sir Philip Sydney a 16th century English poet it ends with the line 'Fool said my muse to me look in thy heart and write' nuff said your 'mechanics' may not have been uncovered yet. Having said all this I do believe that sometimes we need help in saying things better and people can help tweak a flow but before we go into that we need to unwrap what's in our hearts. I cannot critique your poem because I am not a critic and my English is not the best around, yes but punctuation is important. I just thought I'd share my thoughts with you and wish you well Poet. if it is true that the world talks toomuch then let us all keep quiet and hear the eloquence of silence - Richard Ntiru |
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mark woolard Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 143 |
Hey, man, thanks. that's how i've felt for quiet a while: soul over style. However, i have the feeling that when i gain the confidence and proofread enough of my material, the "market" won't agree with us. anyone know how to work the market? |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Mark, It took me a while to get back to this one. I really enjoyed this piece it is really a great read. I loved the imagery and the single rhyming stanza. I don't really see anything wrong with mechanics here. Of course I'm no English prof either. Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this one. J.L.H. Jason God is a warm whisper from the cool void. Jack Kerouac |
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