»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
learn to fly again
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
learn to fly again |
|
|
raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
When it was your soul that forgot how to fly It was a sin that made the angels cry Your wings are broken and unused Your face is dirty and now bruised But even now your feet grow light Healing begun by candle light And in your mind you begin to sore What was once a dream means so much more A smile shows and is now real The first singe you are beginning to feel So much time has been lost Time that came with a high cost Unfold your wings and reach the sky Now you know its time to try Close your eyes and forgive Learning again how to live < !signature--> I am not always lonely even if I am always alone [This message has been edited by raleighbttrfly (edited 01-06-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Amberlyn - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Author Unknown Member
since 2001-01-05
Posts 57Linn MO USA |
if id heard this out loud i would applaud it and ask you to read another, its very good i enjoyed it *dont let life bring you down, dig thru the ditches and deck it in the face and reclaim your place*---Kyle Finn....2001 |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I liked the the meter in the first stanza but I don't understand the sole/soul point here. It seems that after that though you got bored with the meter and just went for the rhyme. I'd meter this all the way through if I were you.  Also, I'd reverse the shift here. The first stanza explores the problem and the rest is the beginning of the resolution. I'd go after the problem in more concrete detail and leave the reader only a hint of resolution (the singe line might work with maybe one other line). Just an opinion, Brad |
||
|
raleighbttrfly Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 160Raleigh NC |
A.U. thank you so much  Brad thank you for the advise and information  I am not always lonely even if I am always alone |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
