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Independence Day
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Independence Day |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Broken shards of shattered fletchings, Bits of dust, cakes from sole, Miles of tar from bubbling July roads... The floor was earthen as clay. The thin whispers and crushing prayers, The pretty needs of petty girls, Charcoal and fluid and flags unfurled... The air was the Patriot's way. Metal heart, silver stars, soldier's eyes, Stiff collars and bars of gold, Shined boots, with Warrior's soul... The deadly peace of Independence Day. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You might want to try a more conversational style here (if only to bring the play on sole/soul more clearly). I also think you need to expand this a bit more and bring the irony of the soldier/pretty woman comparison out more clearly. I liked the pretty for petty part (I had to read that part twice but I think that was intended. Interesting. Just an opinion, Brad |
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