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Time Spent
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Time Spent |
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JM4L New Member
since 2001-01-02
Posts 2 |
Time Spent As I lay in the still of night My mind wonders through the depths of time Trying to recover lost time been gone Pressing my hands through the sands of remembrance Bringing about good time spent Waiting to have you fall into my time An hourglass, which takes your shape Filled with a never-ending sand Watching good time spent go by Through a forest of seconds Minutes revealed in the underbrush Hours beneath the roots of trees All bringing you to mind Thoughts unable to think, that of a love Which makes the seconds tick The minutes a second behind And the hours slowly pass both hands Faces of glass showing hands move Through time spent, time wasted Good time gone by Nevertheless, the hourglass stands A keeper of time for eternity As I am, with your love Love sealed by an unbreakable barrier A barrier of trust Trust to love the time spent Trust to love the time yet to be Always with you. |
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| © Copyright 2001 JM4L - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi JM, Welcome to CA. Sorry I don't have time right now for a real critique but just a few words. For starters, time as a subject has been done so many times as to almost automatically be a cliche. Here you bring it up in almost every line. I think this is very difficult to do while still maintaining the reader's interest. I saw that you tried to use some unusual circumstances but I'm not sure that really worked either. For example: "Hours beneath the roots of trees" seems too much of a mental stretch for me. And there are some others which don't seem to really fit. Sorry to be a bit negative but keep in mind this is just one unqualified opinion. Also, being new to CA, I should point out that you really should comment on at least 2 other works for each poem you submit. Well, again, welcome and I hope to see a lot more of your work. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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WhiteKnight Member
since 2001-01-01
Posts 83NY |
I liked your poem but I would have to agree that you have used the word "time" to often. Please remember this is my first time commenting on a poem here. |
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