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Critical Analysis #1
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Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

0 posted 2000-12-21 10:11 AM


Well, since Kristine keeps bringing up the subject, I guess I'll try to do my part and add to the on-going serial or mini-series     And Brad, I hope this is specific to your satisfaction because if it were any more so it would probably have to be moved to another forum  


        How It Happened

It happened in a fifty Merc
Too many years ago.
It's top was chopped, it's curves dechromed,
And chassis slung quite low,
With flathead V-8 motor which
Could make the back wheels spin
And paint in charcoal primer, as
Was popular back then.

The gym was filled with cheers and shouts
For high school basketball,
But she and I had private thoughts
In mind, and so as all
The crowd intensely watched the game,
Our whereabouts unknown,
We took advantage of that chance
To briefly be alone.

Outside was glazed with ice and snow,
The night was awfully cold,
But cozy in that backseat which
Was neatly tucked-n-rolled.
The hot and heavy breathing caused
A frost to quickly form
Eclipsing all the windows which
Were refuge from the storm.

So hidden thus from outside view,
We kept each other warm
Exploring love's delights together.
What could be the harm?
A blanket kept for such a cause
Gave extra comfort too,
And in short time we came to know
Just what young lovers do.




[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 12-21-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved
warmhrt
Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-12-22 10:58 AM


Pete, dear Pete...

This was just like you...sweet. I think you combined all makes and models in this one, and really made it to go all the way. It doesn't describe one body part, but nicely goes into detail about an entire car. Your words wrap around each other cleverly, as usual, creating the perfect example of the love of engines revving, heat building, and tires squealing.

Loved it, Pete,
Kris

P.S. So this is how you lost your first set of hubcaps, hmmmmmm?
  < !signature-->

All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth




[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 12-22-2000).]

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
2 posted 2000-12-23 02:39 AM


Pete, this is simply too adorable to critique.  Left me with a   ...

--Linda

Happy Holidays



Remember: maintaining a positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will certainly annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
3 posted 2000-12-27 10:26 AM


Hi Kris and Linda,

Thanks for commenting, glad you enjoyed. I hope you lovely ladies had a wonderful Christmas and will have a prosperous New Year.

Pete

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