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i must be asleep
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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i must be asleep |
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tj New Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 1 |
am i awake? can this be real? i'm drunk in my desire as you lay next to me in a bed of rose pedals and forgotten dreams. somehow you brought it all back to me feelings of erotic passion and a breath of life i thought they were forever lost in an eternal darkness left by lovers gone. my eyes smile once again at the beauty before them my lips ache once again to be kissed my hands long to touch your burning flesh my heart pounds so hard it nearly escapes my chest oh, i must be asleep! can this truly be real? |
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| © Copyright 2000 tj - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
hi there tj just a quick welcome, and to say that there are strong feelings here, though it would be nice to see them expressed in rather more original images than dreams and rose petals  oops .....sorry, "rose pedals" !!! ..kinda uncomfy bed no?..lol.. but certainly "original"......  i hope to come back later and give more constructive feedback... thanks for posting here philip |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
philip you're crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anyway, great poem, although i agree with philip, the images are over used. be original, make your own! have fun and welcome ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Well, about that bed of rose peddals: I was just reading the first response to your post, and decided that I'd throw in my two cents prematurely. I assume that it's a metaphor, because of the context that it's in with the rest of the sentence: " in a bed of rose pedals and forgotten dreams. " I dunno what you're getting at, but the imagery in that line certainly helps in conveying "feelings of erotic passion" throughout the poem. |
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SwEeTnSeXy18 Member
since 2000-09-18
Posts 247nc |
tj: I think this poem was good. I agree with fractal007 though. The rose pedals sound nice to me, but why forgotten dreams? Overall, it sounds like a nice reality or dream. Take care. ~Lisa~ ~in order to gain, you have to lose~ |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hello TJ, Just another welcome to CA. Glad to have you here. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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