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Critical Analysis #1
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tj
New Member
since 2000-04-15
Posts 1


0 posted 2000-12-08 11:03 PM


am i awake? can this be real?
i'm drunk in my desire
as you lay next to me
in a bed of rose pedals and forgotten dreams.

somehow you brought it all back to me
feelings of erotic passion and a breath of life
i thought they were forever lost
in an eternal darkness left by lovers gone.


my eyes smile once again at the beauty before them
my lips ache once again to be kissed
my hands long to touch your burning flesh
my heart pounds so hard it nearly escapes my chest

oh, i must be asleep! can this truly be real?





© Copyright 2000 tj - All Rights Reserved
Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
1 posted 2000-12-09 06:40 AM


hi there tj

just a quick welcome, and to say that there are strong feelings here, though it would be nice to see them expressed in rather more original images than dreams and rose petals    

oops .....sorry, "rose pedals" !!! ..kinda uncomfy bed no?..lol.. but certainly "original"......    

i hope to come back later and give more constructive feedback... thanks for posting here  

philip

sexyILN
Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29

2 posted 2000-12-09 04:32 PM


philip
you're crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
anyway, great poem, although i agree with philip, the images are over used. be original, make your own! have fun and welcome

...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it....
Robert Kaplan

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

3 posted 2000-12-09 11:18 PM


Well, about that bed of rose peddals:

I was just reading the first response to your post, and decided that I'd throw in my two cents prematurely.

I assume that it's a metaphor, because of the context that it's in with the rest of the sentence:

"
in a bed of rose pedals and forgotten dreams.
"

I dunno what you're getting at, but the imagery in that line certainly helps in  conveying "feelings of erotic passion" throughout the poem.

SwEeTnSeXy18
Member
since 2000-09-18
Posts 247
nc
4 posted 2000-12-26 10:42 PM


tj:

I think this poem was good. I agree with fractal007 though. The rose pedals sound nice to me, but why forgotten dreams? Overall, it sounds like a nice reality or dream. Take care.  

~Lisa~


~in order to gain, you have to lose~


Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
5 posted 2000-12-27 10:33 AM


Hello TJ,

Just another welcome to CA. Glad to have you here.




Pete

Imagination is more important than knowledge
Albert Einstein

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