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my fervent desire
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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my fervent desire |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore 
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I say happiness is like a soap bubble Chase it too hard and it bursts *pop* Take it too easy and it floats away unseen I hope i can be inside the bubble, Softly surrounded by its aura of joy Content to allow it to lead my destiny |
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| © Copyright 2000 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
kaile, I like your comparison of happiness to soap bubbles. They blow them at the bride and groom now sometimes instead of throwing rice, and, of course, watching a child chase a cloud of bubbles is delightful. I think bubbles have always had a link to happiness. Charming piece. Kris All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I think the first stanza reads quite nice, even thought that same idea has been used over and over. The second stanza I did not feel was a good follow up to the first. Make the second stanza as nice as the first.  ) |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Kris, i appreciated the reading and the thoguhts you shared, thank you  Marq, thanx for that candid comment...in fact, other people have commented so..."i liked your first stanza" but ignore the second verse totally, almost as if it doesnt exist.... may i ask why is the second stanza not so nice and is that anything i can do to make it nice?....  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Nice simile (even if it does remind me of the Sweet song Oxygen for some reason) but I wonder if you might want to draw out the implications of the second stanza. You are 'in the soap bubble' which also means you are trapped, chained to one idea, one emotion. Is this really a happy image? Furthermore, the speaker seems to be content to be that way. Wouldn't you get bored eventually? Just an opinion, Brad |
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