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Please critique my mom's letter
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Please critique my mom's letter |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
I don't always receive "typical" letters from my mother when she writes me. Many times, she sends her feelings in the form of prose. I have always thought that this was a very unique way for her to let me know how she is feeling. She has Multiple sclerosis and with it, good days and bad days. I try to encourage her to write because I think she has a natural gift, with no formal education. She doesn't believe me and so I thought maybe I could submit this "recent letter" from her for feedback. I'd be curious to see if I am just being biased, or if others feel that what she writes is interesting reading! Thanks in advance for anyone that wants to reply. Don't hold back, tell me what you REALLY think! Light, awareness, peace and tranquillity.... return A calmness envelopes my body. For how long this time?............. One hour, Six, or in the next few minutes until my head once again will become cloudy, as my body is overcome with fatigue. These bright moments however long, will be enjoyed & utilized to the maximum... In thinking, analyzing, exerting the precious energy to accomplish my hearts desires to 'do', dream and plan. Alert and aware once again!! In hopes of knowing when the body and mind is beginning to reach it's limits. Praying not to forget the limits!! Praying not to forget to pray. To resist the urge of attempting to prove to myself, that nothing in life has changed for me. To resist an overwhelming power, that engulfs my very being, all my senses, and the joyful feeling and inner happiness from accomplishing even a minuet task. No matter!! From the physical exertion, my brow and hair are damp with sweat-- I stagger... my brow is creased with a frown. As I speak, my words slur, and become unintelligent. Surprise, and a fit of giggles overcome me, as I realize I should be embarrassed. But sadness registers, as I realize also that 'they don't understand'. Deep within me is such a wonderful happy feeling of being constructive, accomplishing something, that it doesn't matter. I don't care. I don't care, as I fall... fall... fall... into that deep dark pit. It was worth it all. Numb now to all emotions. There is no taking control as my body and mind takes its sweet time rejuvenating. Then the climbing up and up, ever so slowly, from the dark pit, void of everything . And out into the world around me to witness whatever I can, prove to myself once again, that I am alive. [This message has been edited by Debbie (edited 11-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Deborah L. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Your mother indeed has a gift. Give her all of the love and encouragement you can, and by all means, keep every single letter she ever sends you. It may be that she has what she needs - a daughter who believes - and someday it will be up to you to pass on her words. Hugs, Karilea If I whisper, will you listen?... I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound. KRJ |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Thanks Sunshine, I'm going to pass you're lovely response on to her! She needs the encouragement to keep writing, to leave a little bit of who she is for the rest of the family to know! |
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Kevin Rose Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 64Liverpool UK |
the best critique to that letter I can give is simply this.... She IS alive she has proven she is alive, more alive than most people know. apart from anything else she has a unique perspective on life, and has the words to express it. A serious suggestion is that maybe she could use this type of writing to increase the understanding of MS to the masses, raising awareness of the condition, and making people respect the abilities of those that experince this situation. It has cerainly helped to open my eyes. |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Thanks Kevin! That's a great idea! |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Debbie, Your mother does have a rare gift of being able to express her feelings in living with this illness. I hope you encourage her to share it with others who suffer from MS...perhaps there is a newsletter or an organization she belongs to who would print it for other sufferers to identify with. Very touching...I've learned something...glad you brought it here, mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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angelface Junior Member
since 2000-10-25
Posts 40Savannah area, Georgia |
My cousin also has MS; she birthed a boy the 9th of this month, and I think it was quite amazing. I had never realized what MS was like, to the person who has it, and now it's spelled out in clear words. I like the part where she wrote about others not understanding; my cousin had to wear a huge brace over her torso for about 2 years, and I'm sure some didn't understand why. I thank your mother for writing it. I'm going to send it to my cousin (giving all the rights, of course  ). Thank you Debbie's mom  !I'd rather fail trying to do something spectacular than fail being conservative Ben Affleck |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Mia, I think I will suggest that she send her thoughts to a newsletter or organization that deals with M.S. and it's symptoms. That's a good idea and maybe others with the same disease will take heart in what she has to say! Thank-you! Angelface, That's the problem with this disease, the symptoms vary and they come and go. My mom can go weeks without any problems and then suddenly lose the ability to see out of one eye, or walk well. Depression is common. People have a hard time understanding the strangeness of this disease. Thanks for your response, My best wishes to your cousin! |
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pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
Romy...not only do I think your mom is a courageous woman, but she has a loving and caring daughter. you are both very lucky to have each other.. you are both in my prayers. the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
This is very touching, and I agree with all of the above comments. |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Songbird, Thanks for bringing this back up! It gives me a chance to tell everybody who replied that my mothers poem/prose was recently published. I took the advice I got here and sent it to MS World inc. Six or eight weeks later we got a letter and an acceptance in the magazine! Since then she has been contacted by a couple of other publishers including one for the Chicken Soup For the Soul books. They want to publish her piece in a book dedicated to people with MS! Cool huh? She did good. Thanks everybody the advice was great and the replies were enough to give her the confidence that she needed! Debbie |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Romy, I have a granddaughter with MS and have heard of her many problems. However I have no idea where she is and just have to wonder. But, you know, this poem from your Mom has helped me much! For some reason I feel peace from her words. I hope to read many more of her poems if you will share them. God bless, hugs, ME |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
What a unique idea! I would love to get letters like this ... I would be forever inspired ... This was a very touching example of your mother's courage and spirit. Tell her I said she is an amazing woman (though I suspect she already knows that -- wink) And thank you, Romy, for sharing. Linda |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
I finally caved in and read this letter and am glad I did. I usually try to stay away from slicing and dicing words freely poured from the heart. This time though, I find no need to. This is well written, and captures, it seems to me, the full range of your mother's suffering perhaps for that day, or hour.. a fine piece of writing. Mom has a gift. My regards to you and her. |
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epoet Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291grand rapid,MI, usa |
Such raw heartfelt emotion, such beauty and passion. I envy the gift that your mother has. such a flair for words and a great grip on life. Tell her to keep on living the fight and to never give up. She is lucky to have such a loving daughter as you. P. J. Kotrch carpe diem A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
A beautiful poem from a beautiful heart. As I read it I can see where it pertains to life in many ways, not only if you have MS. And how someimes those of us in other situations, no matter how hard ours seems, should realize that someone out there is working harder to overcome their aches, pains, hurts, and illnesses. I only just now read this, and would have suggested you see if she could be published. I am happy you did that for her and would love to know when that Chicken Soup Edition is released. *s You are a wonderful daughter and I am sure your Mom is aware of it from her words she writes to you. Maureen "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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