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Respectability
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Respectability |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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she sits behind her desk, buttoned up, pulled back, oozing respectability... peering from behind glasses perched low on the bridge, an esoteric spark always in those eyes. who would guess that... she adores lingerie, beneath that dull gray business, everyday duties... it reminds her who she is, the plunges and push-ups, black lace and silk caressing those curves unseen... animal prints, eyelets, sirenous satins, glittering metallic meshes slide sensuously against flesh that delights to their luxurious embraces, sending mental memos that she is human, equal intellectually, though she relishes the distinctions, and quietly accentuates the fact that she is female. mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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aurora rain Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90 |
quote: my favorite part of it all. some nice visuals there, yes indeed. i'm a horrible critic because i tend to have narrow views. i mean, i enjoy abstract situations where the emphasis is not placed so much on the particular (as yours is in the poem) and the exact goings-on. i mean, we know of the woman and we know who she is externally and internally. we're spoken to directly. directness is good, though. as is abstractness. i realise, though, that you need to maintain a delicate balance of both. like i said, i'm not particularly good at critique. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Wow! I like this a lot! Wonderful touch -- secret, sensuous and, dare I say it, thrilling. You've captured the essence of the female and her mystique here. Very, very nice! |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
lol.....mia i'm kind of busy right now but i had to stop by to search out the undercover meaning of this perky lil piece - it's about "car accessories"...no? fun read mia ... which i'm not gonna even attempt to tamper with  hey and you'll never guess what we saw a PT Cruiser yesterday !!! must be the only one in the UK ..lol Jane pointed it out and said "what's that funny looking stubby little car?" .. up close i read "PT Cruiser" and thought to myself, thanks a lot mia !..lol anyway, what the heck ... see ya PT ~grin~ |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Aurora Rain (are you from Illinois? lol), I do so much appreciate the time you took to read and to comment, though at the end of the reply I wasn't sure if you liked it or not. I often write very abstractly, and get criticized for it by some...then I write a totally obvious piece like this, and there are always those who would rather it be more abstract. I suppose I'm having a tough time finding that middle ground, or I must just accept the fact that "to each his own". I do thank you though, and, again, welcome. Marq, Thank you for your too kind comments. I don't know if it's every womans' essence, but it is of the one I wrote. PT, Aha!! I knew you'd be back for this one. The two more serious pieces I wrote of late you totally ignored. Not too difficult to figure you out. So you saw a Cruiser, hmmm? They're all the rage here (Americans love retro) So who's this Jane? ...a friend, girlfriend, sister. wife....Jane to your Tarzan? Anyway, over here, the Cruisers are, for the most part, liked very much. Thanks for reading and your comments... mia < !signature--> ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers [This message has been edited by miapoetess (edited 11-16-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Hummphhh a gross insult...sheesh #1 i've been busy #2 i just spent my valuable time doing long crits on olias and martie #3 i figured i better comment on somebody elses as i'd done at least three of yours..lol #4 your other ones would have need a good deal of thought and this didn't ...hah ha #5 i couldn't resist the car thingy #6 you are partly right ~grin~ #7 please get over to The Alley and reply to my thread so that everyone will know i'm just joking .. #8 jane is my wife of 20 yrs as of a month ago ..lol so NOW will you give me your e-mail? lol #9 au revoir, and i'm glad PT Cruisers = nice ...very reassuring  PT |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
mia, I like the bold brash strokes with which you paint this person. Personally, I love women who embody this seeming duplicity! You painted this well. |
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aurora rain Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90 |
no, actually, i'm a brit. my name is actually aurora. i wish my middle name was rain rather than ann. "aurora ann" sounds so mundane. i did like it, though. i just didn't want to be so completely into the enjoyment of it that i could not critique. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
PT, Of your excuses, only #4 and #6 are probably true...but I forgive you...THIS TIME! LOL Yesh, Thanks so much for the vote of approval. I did try to make this a bold statement, and I know that with you, at least, I succeeded in doing just that. Thanks again Aurora, You really need to meet PT. He's one of your fellow countrymen. You'll like him...he's really quite witty, intelligent, and a very big flirt. lol Aurora Ann is a beautiful name...we all want names other than the one we were assigned by our old-fashioned parents...especially women, I think. I thank you so much for your wonderful comment about my poem. One of the nicest ones I've had to date! Thanks to all... mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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charis9 New Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2 |
Does 'respectability' ever ooze? The 'oozing' would seem more apt in the lower part of the poem, somewhere in the middle of animal prints and animal natures... |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
I think any personal characteristic can "ooze". Thoughts from anyone else? mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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Lerk Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 49Dayton, OH USA |
I was also going to comment on "ooze" but someone got there ahead of me. I loved the poem, but I felt its a duality, no? I think the word "ooze" more correctly belongs with the sensuous side, ooze connotates more things in that direction. Additionally, I wondered if maybe a word like "projected" or similar would be better as it implies a mask held in front of the lingerie, which the business attire actually is. Oozing implies it is the real deal, so full and fully vibrant it has to ooze out around the edges because it cannot be contained. Since the biz attire is more a facade, it seems unlikely it would ooze, rather, the sensuous would be uncontained and ooze. more stuff: an esoteric spark always in those eyes. Not sure "esoteric" spark is the word you want here. If I'm correct, you want more of a hidden secret to that spark, a mischievous smirk a puckish concealment of what actually exists. I *know* thats one definition of esoteric, but the one more commonly held is intellectual white tower froth. That was what I read it as first, and it distracted me from the meaning. who would guess that... she adores lingerie, beneath that dull gray business, everyday duties... (Not sure you even need line (who would guess that...) because the poem is revealing it as a hidden side. I think its implied that not many guess it, and it overexplains, perhaps. sending mental memos that she is human, equal intellectually, though she relishes the distinctions, and quietly accentuates the fact that she is female. Not sure who these mental memos are addressed to, usually one does not memo oneself, but that appears to be who is receiving the message. I know it was to juxtapose everyday biz things with the secret, but since memos are routinely sent to everyone that works against the memo thingy. Maybe add the word "confidential" or similar? If this sound nitpicky, it is, because I overall enjoyed it. I'm new here, so if this isnt the right way to critique, I apologize. Perception *IS* reality |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
John That was a great critique ... welcome to CA Philip |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Lerk, Perhaps the word "exudes" would fit better, and not inspire so much disagreement. There is no duality...the woman is portrayed as a respectable professional (the "biz attire" is not meant to be a "facade") who just happens to be female, and likes that fact. There are, I'm sure, many professional women who leave part of themselves behind in the work world, as they feel they need to compete with men. This woman is secure within herself and is her entire self wherever she is. That does not affect her "respectability"...she is all in one package. In fact...that is why the mental memos are there...so she doesn't get lost in the dull grey, and forget who she is. In today's world, that would be very easy to do. The synonym listed most for esoteric is mysterious. Nuff said The line, "who would guess that...", IMHO, is needed, as this woman does exude respectability...walk, talk, think, dress, manner, etc. You're a male...let's say a male, a respected lawyer, wore men's tiny bikini underwear or thongs beneath his suit...would he then have less respectability? Function in a lesser capacity as a lawyer? Now maybe if they were women's thongs....no...I don't think even then. Sexuality and sensuality are parts of the whole person, and unless illegal, should not affect any part of one's "respectability". I thank you for reading and offering your opinions...I hope I have made my meaning in this piece clearer. PT, I'd like to have a word with you in private, please!! mia< !signature--> ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers [This message has been edited by miapoetess (edited 11-18-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ha ha mia very funny ..but just in case (for once)you're serious MY address is [email protected], but then you knew that already.. anyway, NOW what have i done !? geez ..... PT |
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artsygrl Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 55Florida |
I so relate, in an age where it is so easy to lose yourself that femininity is sometimes so nice, especially with the stern professionalism we so often have to show at work.... Loved it, thanks for the read.... |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
PT, Serious? Hah! Now who could be serious with you, I ask you!!?  It is you who is NEVER serious. Artsygirl, Glad you enjoyed the read, and appreciated the meaning. Certain people, especially a male from England with restricted vision , in particular, did not "seem" to see that same meaning. He does now , though, I'm sure. Thanks for reading and for your positive comments.mia< !signature--> ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers [This message has been edited by miapoetess (edited 11-19-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
99% of the time that's true Mia ...not always tho...seeing as it seems we have to communicate in public (hummphhh)did you read my response to you on the Alley thread? PT |
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Lily B Member
since 2000-03-31
Posts 91Auburn, IN, US |
I particularly LIKED the "oozing" of respectability. It prefaces the contrast in her character that, perhaps, is the reason for the spark in her eyes. Nice piece! |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
mia, I love your poem. in response to aurora rain, I think that abstractness vs. diretness, is unnessesary. your style may be totally abstract and that's good. do YOUR style. no matter what people say, write for yourself, not others. sure it's great when people compliment you. listen. but critisizing a poem is hard to do because everyone has their own style and expects everyone to write like them. One of the best writers I know, frequently writes things even SHE doesn't know the meaning of. it's all personal style. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
PT, Yes, we do communicate in public...does that translate into always clowning? YES!!!!! BTW...I did not know your e-mail...why would I? Lily B, Thanks so much for reading this piece, and for commenting on it so positively! Sexy ILN (what's the ILN stand for?), Thanks...I do write in my own style, and sometimes it's a bit obscure...sometimes it's perfectly clear...well, almost. I feel I am a somewhat versatile writer (I hope, anyway). Welcome to CA, BTW. Hope you enjoy your stay. mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
A note to all: My last two works were more serious, less "sensuous" or "flirty", though this one does have a message...anyway, they garnered few responses. This one has been here forever it seems...what do you think that says about us? mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
mia you want serious ...........ok: "Yes, we do communicate in public...does that translate into always clowning? YES!!!!!" No not always ...... The answer to your query about the smaller number of responses to "serious" poems probably boils down to: #1 Time and #2 Expertise. Time - because it takes more thought and therefore longer to respond to a serious piece Expertise - because some people mistakenly believe they don't have sufficient of it to respond As a postscript, i'm sure you'll see that my long and thought out replies are generally in response to "serious" poems, and my trite or shortish replys usually in reply to lighter pieces or some lighter aspect within a longer poem. It's not really the "number" of responses that matter surely, more the "quality" of them. "BTW...I did not know your e-mail...why would I" ..because i just arrogantly assumed that you'd have clicked on the little yellow envelope icon; my apologies Mia later PT |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
PT, The question about the responses was not aimed at you , but at CA in general. There are others here, ya know . Anyway, your response is probably true in most cases. It does take much more time and thought to reply to a "deeper, serious" piece, and often calls for one to reveal their feelings on a certain subject. Not all are willing to do that, either. mia P.S. Don't get me wrong...I love wit... ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
What ever your style is that's great. dont change it. I love your poem. anyway, it's great that you've got so many responses. I've got umm, five poems out there and i have one response. anyway. bye ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
~sigh~ i know mia ..and my response was meant in general terms, with the specific example of myself to add "artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing" argument........ |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
sirenous satins, glittering metallic meshes slide sensuously against flesh That's some really good alliteration. It creates a sort of snake like sound, which helps to create an air of sinful desire. |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Hi, I meant to add that I can't tell you what ILN stands for, or my friends would kill me. Sorry, I should have gotten another name, but I didn't think of that at the time. ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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sexyILN Junior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 29 |
Hi, I meant to add that I can't tell you what ILN stands for, or my friends would kill me. Sorry, I should have gotten another name, but I didn't think of that at the time. ...peace as a primary goal, is dangerous because it implies that you will sacrifice any principle for the sake of it.... Robert Kaplan |
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