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Critical Analysis #1
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hello - just as an introduction
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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hello - just as an introduction |
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Mendy Junior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 34 |
I want to carry my roots with me, I want to carry my roots with me, where ever I go who ever tags along, I want them all to know that my sustenance is not based on attaching all my hopes - to an acre of soil I want to grow - roots wrapped tightly in a coil and planted safely in my heart I want to be, without belonging or fitting in without building a collection of useful things rather gathering memories to call my own and leaving poems ! as stepping stones across rivers into my soul< !signature--> [This message has been edited by Mendy (edited 11-12-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hilton Mendelsohn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Welcome Mendy, I call myself a free verser, and that is usually my reading preference also. Your introductory poem here was quite enjoyable to me, however, and seemed almost to be a nice blend of both free and rhyming verse. It had some qualities of both. Watch out for Brad, though...he dislikes the words,"heart", and "soul"(he's a tough one, he is, but a nice guy). Since this is your introduction, I won't offer any serious critique...only a big "Wecome to CA!". mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Let me add my enthusiastic welcome as well! I assume you posted here because you wanted input, so I'll give you my feelings. The first eight lines of your poem read quite nicely to me. But then the next two lines, change the flow a little bit -- kind of clog it up, so to speak. I like 'rather gathering memories to call my own/ and leaving poems!' Very nice!! Then the last line -- does nothing for me. To me it reads contrived and ordinary. I'd re-write it in the softer tone that you use in the first eight lines. I'm in Brad's camp about using soul and heart -- too obvious and overused. This is a nice poem overall. I enjoyed reading it and I think it shows great promise. Good luck! |
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Mendy Junior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 34 |
Thanks Mia and Marq, I am still trying to learn and take your advice on board - (I'm afraid of Brad) now but I will work on this poem some more and see if I can apply your guys advice if it is true that the world talks toomuch then let us all keep quiet and hear the eloquence of silence - Richard Ntiru |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Wendy, Just another big "Welcome to CA." Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Hello. I am new here, too. I like what this poem says, I got tangled up in the meter after the first three lines, it jumped a bit, then smoothed out, and I was able to finish and enjoy the piece.  |
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The Poetic Plumber Junior Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 38 |
Well! I am also a newcomer. This is a fast growing forum I guess. Now for my analysis. I can tell you are not a material person, and I think that is great. I also thought the poem flowed very well. I like it just as it is. Roger |
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Mendy Junior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 34 |
Thanks guys for welcoming me and Roger for restoring a some of trhe confidence I lost - I intentionally wrote this using both rhyme and blank verse because Thats how my thoughts form themselves in my mind. On reflection I think the 'heart and 'soul references could be improved upon to show more individuality and perhaps be a little more original - I appreciate all the input Thanks again if it is true that the world talks toomuch then let us all keep quiet and hear the eloquence of silence - Richard Ntiru |
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