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YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

0 posted 2000-11-09 07:42 PM

I exist in pieces.

Globs of me hang by
thin threads of accepted sanity,
the bloody residue leaving trails
dogged by opportunistic parasites,
generating a chorus called forget.

I have no memory.

My name has been howled to the wind,
upon musical notes shackled in blood,
it exists in brimmed silences,
hidden from me

I dance,
a slow dance,
my desires cohabiting to
the rhythmic cadence
of ghosts from then.

I must return,
but I know not the path
of the journey of the dead;
I wander,
filled with the incestuous
legacy of hatred and regret,
my cup runneth over with emptiness.

I wish I could return.
I wish I could return.

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-11-10 12:14 PM

Yesh,

You always seem to write such bold statements, that often, I think, others are sometimes afraid to say how they feel about them.

I could very well be wrong about this, and you could mean something else entirely, but it seems to me that you are speaking of a highly volatile subject here, and saying how you feel about it without ever using any direct reference.

If I am right, you did a superb job in your descriptions, your wording...even if I don't agree with your views. Nice work.
mia

...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

2 posted 2000-11-10 06:34 PM

mia, you are correct. The subject is volatile. Thank you for reading and commenting. As for others, I could not be sure of why people do or do not do what they do. There could be all kinds of reasons. Thank you.

Marq
Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 222

3 posted 2000-11-11 12:45 PM

I think 'the bloody residue leaving trails etc.' is a pretty good line, as is 'I must return but I know not the path of the journey of the dead'.

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

4 posted 2000-11-11 11:10 PM

Marq, we agree.

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

5 posted 2000-11-13 11:35 AM

Hi Yesh,

Overall, I think this may be a bit too brash or maybe a bit too dark for me. Now that I look at what I just said, I'm not sure how thsoe two adjectives could coexist in the same impression but that's what comes to mind. Mia is right, it makes a bold statement, but you usually do make a bold statement.

There is one stanza which I particularly like.

quote:

I dance,
a slow dance,
my desires cohabiting to
the rhythmic cadence
of ghosts from then.

Actually, I can't say for sure why that is but it just sounds and feels good to me.

Thanks for the read,

Pete

Imagination is more important than knowledge
Albert Einstein

dragonpoe
Senior Member

since 2000-11-12

Posts 608
Palm Bay, Florida

6 posted 2000-11-13 11:54 AM

A dark piece, harboring intense pain, written explicitly to voice that pain, to release it and lessen the weight of it.
I love dark poetry for those reasons, being able to release what can otherwise destroy us.
Well done, I like the boldness of this.

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

7 posted 2000-11-13 01:42 PM

Pete, thanks for reading this. I understand the feeling of being attracted to some types of writing and not others. It is legitimate.

dragonpoe, I don't believe I've seen this name before. Welcome. Thanks for reading the poem, the character wants to unburden, but is attempting to first identify the burden carried. Yes, it is dark.

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